When I found out I was pregnant, I was over the moon. I couldn’t believe my dream of being a mom was finally going to come true. During the next nine months, I prepared for everything I needed to safely welcome my baby girl into this world and give her the best of everything. My husband and I lovingly set up her nursery and prepared to become parents. One of the aspects I was most excited about was breastfeeding.
I initially planned to breastfeed my daughter for at least a year. I knew about the multiple benefits of breast milk, as well as the intimate bonding experience it creates for you and your child and I couldn’t wait to experience that.
When my daughter was born, we had our first breastfeeding moment together, cradled in my hospital bed. While it was initially quite painful, as I looked down at my newborn daughter, I was in complete heaven. This was the moment and magic I had been waiting for. Her big beautiful brown eyes looking up at me as I fed her gave me a sense of purpose that I never could have imagined. Little did I know, it wouldn’t last very long.
I immediately got the sense that I did not have a large milk supply, so I made sure to supplement breastfeeding with formula.
I'd heard of other moms who did this and to me, this sounded like the perfect solution. My daughter would still get the benefits of breast milk and we would still have these wonderful moments together, but I would also ensure that my daughter got all of the nutrition she needed. I never wanted that to be a risk.
After four months of switching between breastfeeding and formula, one evening, as I tried to get my daughter to latch on, she turned her head from me and started screaming. I continued to try for a few minutes just to get her to latch on, but it was hopeless. No matter how much I tried, she continued to fight and cry. I couldn’t stand the pain of listening to her cry under these circumstances and gave up. In my head, I had hoped this would be an isolated incident and was prepared to try the next time.
I continued to try and try and try.
Until finally, I just gave up. My daughter made it perfectly clear that she did not want to breastfeed and was happier with a bottle.
Part of me felt like I didn’t try hard enough. And a part of me felt tremendous guilt over this. After all, wasn’t this my responsibility? I loved having the skin-to-skin contact with my daughter. I loved having her cradled so close in my arms. I loved the idea of my milk being the source that gave her nutrition.
But here’s what matters: My daughter was feed and nourished. While my breastfeeding journey had ended much sooner than expected, I looked on the bright side. My daughter was well fed thanks to wonderful formulas and was growing beautifully. That was my takeaway.
For too long, society has placed too much of an emphasis on breastfeeding and the old saying of "breast is best."
You know what I have to say to that? Screw that.
Mothers are responsible for feeding their newborns however they believe is best — whether they are breast-fed, bottled-fed, or fed through a tube. A baby must be fed and nourished. Any way that that can be done is what’s best. Mothers also may have multiple reasons for choosing not to breastfeed — and that’s absolutely fine.
Mothers have too much pressure on them to begin with. We shouldn’t have to worry about feeling guilty about not breastfeeding our children, breastfeeding our children too long, or feeling judged when we are buying formula. It sometimes seems no matter what choices we make for our children, someone is always ready to tell us why those choices are wrong.
This sort of judgment must stop. My daughter was growing, healthy, and is well-fed. Breast is best? My choice is best.
