When parents are divorced, kids can sometimes get bounced around. When they're little, they don't always have much say in how things are worked out. But as they grow, their parents might give them more leeway regarding where they want to spend more of their time. Holidays can be a sticking point for parents who wish to keep their traditions and include their children. Making all of it work and keeping all parties happy can sometimes be tricky.
Christmas is coming, and for some families, that means travel. A woman on Reddit and her husband are divorced and share a teenage son. She assumed that her son was going to be with her this Christmas, but he made plans to be with his dad. She is not on board and had a blowout with him and her ex. The original poster visited Reddit's AITA forum to see if she was being unreasonable by saying that her son "ruined Christmas."
OP planned to have her son with her.
OP and her husband have a 16-year-old son, Mason. Last year, Mason spent Christmas with OP and her husband, Nathan. He chose to be with them but later claimed the experience was "terrible" because Nathan and his family didn't accommodate his food choices. OP explained that was true but only because they tend to be more traditional when it comes to food, and Mason likes different things.
"He also said he didn't feel as welcome as the other kids in the family and that Nathan forced him to share his personal stuff like his phone so that his stepnephews could watch christmas movies," OP wrote.
Mason announced that he was spending Christmas with his dad.
Unbeknownst to her, Mason made plans to spend Christmas with his dad at a rental Christmas cottage in a different town. He told his mom that he wanted a better Christmas than last year.
"I asked Mason when and how he agreed to this arrangement but he pointed back to what happened last Christmas and said he didn't want to basically 'have another s—-y holiday and be miserable' I told him that his dad should've come to me first but he argued that he's already okayed it and so he saw no need for my opinion," she posted.
Then the fights started.
Mason went after OP and accused her of trying to ruin his Christmas. Still, she barked back.
"I told him that he has already ruined christmas for me and his stepdad the [minute] he agreed to this arrangement. He got up and walked away after saying that I was being 'overdramatic.' Nathan just sat there and looked down."
OP's ex wants her to get over herself.
After the fight with Mason, OP moved on to her ex. She even threatened him with getting a lawyer involved. She claimed he called her "pathetic."
He told her just to drop it and let Mason have the experience with him and enjoy his Christmas. But she said no.
"Now Mason isn't speaking to me. Nathan is trying to convince him to stay with us because without him, our Christmas is ruined but he won't budge from the looks of it," she lamented.
She contends that the real problem is his dad planned to leave town with Mason and that was a "big deal" to her. So she wonders if that makes her an a–hole for not letting this one go.
Redditors thinks that OP is acting more like a child than her son.
It didn't take long for Redditors to call out OP on what they thought was a bunch of BS.
"YTA. Big time. Your in-laws don't accept or accommodate your son, and decides to do something that would allow him to be accommodated and accepted. So [you] selfishly bash him on the decision. Maybe [if] you were a better mother [and] you made sure he didn't have a s—-y experience by not enabling your s—-y husband and in laws, maybe he would have wanted to spend Christmas with you," one person noted.
Redditors want her to stick to their original agreement of letting Mason decide where he wants to be on holidays.
"OP, please let your son spend Christmas with his dad," another person wrote. "That is what he wants. Or would you rather he suffers through another miserable Christmas? How is that for Christmas Spirit?!? You ruined his last Christmas. Please don't ruin this year's."
"You say in the 2nd paragraph that you let Mason choose where he spends Christmas, but once he's made that choice you try guilt trip and manipulate him into doing what you want. Imagine telling your kid that they've ruined Christmas. YTA," someone else commented.
Who blames a kid?
"YTA for saying to your son he is ruining your Xmas, psychologically that's a damaging thing to say and it's not even bloody true, you're ruining your own Xmas," one commenter wrote. "Saying that sort of s— will have a lasting effect on him (guilt even though he knows he shouldn't be guilty, second guessing himself when there is no need, god allsorts of s—) I am not on board with parents blaming kids like this, they are kids FFS."
"YTA and trust me, he's going to remember you telling him he ruined your Christmas for the rest of his life, regardless of the actual outcome and resolution," someone agreed.
"YTA in a huge way. You sound like every other abusive parent in a divorce who weaponizes their child against their ex. Ugh, your whole post is gross," another person commented. "You admit he had a horrible time last Christmas. You admit you gave him the power to decide where he spends the holiday. Then you guilt trip him for using that power to decide?
"Not to mention you are acting like a child with your insistence that he has ruined Christmas," the person continued. "I'm so triggered by this because you sound just like my narcissistic mother and it's disgusting. You are a grown adult and no child has the power to 'ruin' your Christmas. If your kid can't stand to be around you and your s—-y family, who clearly treat him like crap, then maybe take a look at yourself."
Reddit thinks that OP is delusional.
People don't get why OP has such a high opinion of herself and such little regard for her son's happiness.
"Literally lists a dozen things that happened to make last Christmas miserable for her kid, says they gave him the right to choose, does surprise Pikachu face when kid wants to spend Christmas with Dad," one person noted. "OP, you're arguing about wanting your kid to have another miserable Christmas because it would ruin it for you. Get over yourself."
"Stop blaming your son or your ex," someone agreed. "You let Mason decide and he's decided — for GOOD reason. Let him enjoy his time away and come back to you refreshed and happy and then celebrate with him again."
OP, you better watch it.
OP, Redditors want you to knock it off. They pointed out that Mason is a child — your child — yet you are the one acting like a kid. Placing blame and trying to make a teenager feel guilty seems pretty manipulative to most Redditors. You're going to end up making him want to be with you less and less if he feels trapped and indebted to you.
Let him enjoy Christmas with his dad, and you and Nathan enjoy some time with his family. Maybe Mason will get over it and ring in the new year with you — that is, unless you come up with some reason to tell him he ruined that too.
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