One of the worst things to happen to a parent is the loss of a child. It's painful whether it occurs before birth or during the senior years. It's something that is never "gotten over," and there needs to be a level of compassion. Family needs to come together to provide support, but unfortunately, it sounds like one grieving mom ended up with just the opposite.
A mom took to Reddit to get some advice on a situation she's found herself in at home.
Posting to Reddit's AITA forum, the woman shared that she's grieving.
"I F26 lost my daughter two months ago, she was in perfect health, I truly never really understood what went wrong, she passed away in her sleep they said that it was SID and it was nobody's fault, but I just regret not waking up that night and found her not breathing in the morning, it was so devastating that I been having troubles falling asleep after this," she wrote.
The family should come together for this, to help everyone grieve, but the OP didn't experience this.
"My mother in law started blaming me and talking behind my back, everyone just ignored her while my brother in law kept repeating her words infront of me just to hurt me," she said. "He brought his fiancé to the funeral and stayed on his phone the entire time, he told me to my face that we shouldn't have had a funeral because my daughter was an infant so a funeral wasn't [necessary] as in she was any less."
Three weeks after the funeral, her brother-in-law arrived at their house.
"He paid us a visit to hand me and my husband his wedding invitation, he started commenting on how pale I looked, and said that he was baffled that I still haven't moved on from my duaghter's unexpected death," she said. "Even said that I shouldn't be worried because we will just have another one, like he was talking about a piece of furniture."
"I felt so annoyed, and the last straw was when he asked how he and his future wife could avoid having this happen to them when they have a baby in the future and asked me to be honest if my daughter had a defect from birth," she explained.
She couldn't handle it anymore. She was done and snapped back.
"I just lost it, I got up, gave him his stupid invitation back and told him to leave," she wrote. "He started calling me nasty names and said that his mom was right about me."
"I yelled at him after he went on and on about how I needed help with my superiority complex and other things," she added.
Nothing slowed down from there either — the whole family went sour on her. "The whole family started calling me inconsiderate and said that I hurt my brother in law and just because I was grieving I had no right to kick him out and disrespect him like that," she wrote.
Her husband was away during the fight, but came home and sided with his wife.
"My husband was away from home, he got mad when he heard and he minimized his contact with his family, " OP explained. It's good that he had her back. "Now his family is blaming me and saying that I indeed am the bad guy here because everything my brother in law and his mom said was true."
OP said her brother-in-law came over to speak with her husband, "but I refused to let him in, saying he wants to apologize when he realized he could lose his brother."
She asked the Reddit community if she was in the wrong and the people spoke.
"I'm sorry for your loss," one person replied "If you don't remember your baby as a mother, who will? But over time, grief will give way to longing (and if it doesn't, seek help, there is pathological grief that is a disease). 3 weeks is very little time, especially with something so suddenly. he had no sympathy for you. That's the kind of thing that justifies striking someone out of your life forever. NTA"
"Excuse me, what? He tells you to basically just forget about your child that you lost barely a month ago, but YOU are the one being inconsiderate?" another Reddit user wrote. "Your BIL is a heartless [expletive] who should contemplate about the way he behaves around you. NTA, big time."
"I'm actually shocked at how toxic this family is," replied another in the community. "This is the last thing a grieving mother needs. I hope the BIL never has a child. OP I am so sorry for your loss and very happy your husband is on your side here, you need support."
Another person replied: "I am so sorry for your loss. I know you have heard this already, but from a stranger on the Internet, please please listen; this was not your fault. You did not cause this. There is likely nothing you could have done, the baby’s brain and body just weren’t quite right. We have lost babies to SIDS or 'cot death' forever. It’s an awful mystery of why some babies just don’t wake up, and it’s an awful game of 'what if' that’s haunted mothers for thousands of years." The commenter added: "Again, I’m so sorry. No one should be treating you with anything but compassion and love. If you were my sister, you’d be tucked in a chair, watching a good program and drinking tea while I made you relax."
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