As parents, we trust our children’s teachers to have their best interests at heart. If something is happening at school that we should know about, we want the lines of communication to stay open. In the same vein, we understand that our kids likely talk about their home lives at school, and if a teacher hears something concerning, they’ll let us know. But when does it become more than a concern and turn into meddling?
A mom posted on Reddit’s AITA forum asking if she was wrong about how she approached a situation with her son’s teacher. He son is turning 9 and having two friends spend the night to celebrate his birthday. Apparently, the kids talked about it at school, which led to a few hurt feelings.
His teacher called the original poster and said she needed to invite the whole class. OP then clapped back, and things got ugly. But who overstepped?
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OP planned a birthday party that worked for her family.
Sure, in a perfect world, everyone would have the whole class at their birthday party, but that’s not reasonable for all families. OP planned a party for her son, Sam, that she could accommodate. But his teacher, Lorna, didn’t think OP did enough and called her on it.
“She learned about it because it came up as the class wished him a happy birthday. I at first politely refused, saying that’s not reasonable but she insisted to make sure nobody was left out,” OP explained. “I respond by saying that she has no say in who is at my home ever and that even if she did, my apartment simply cannot accommodate 32 kids and guardians. She says that because other students are involved, she does and that I should have the party somewhere that can allow all students.”
When Lorna didn't back down, OP got a bit hostile.
Instead of just hanging up the phone, she decided to tell Lorna she could have the party at her place to accommodate everyone. When Lorna argued that wasn’t what she meant, OP kept going and said the teacher needed to have the party.
“This is where I probably became the a–hole. Out of curiosity I easily found her address(her SM is not private at all) and email her ‘how does this email sound?’ with an excerpt to the group email chain saying that Lorna has offered to host Sam’s birthday party at her home and to come after school to X address,” OP shared.
” I was NOT planning on actually sending that to anyone else but her, I just wanted to prove the point and felt I was being sarcastic but I know tone is hard online. She responded to not send it and to do whatever I want for the birthday, she does not care anymore.”
So, who is wrong?
Redditors didn’t like either person’s approach. They overwhelmingly agreed that everyone sucks in this situation. Lorna shouldn’t have minded her business, but OP shouldn’t have threatened to dox her.
“ESH. It’s one thing if the whole class was invited and just one of 2 kids were excluded,” one person wrote. “But in this case it’s just a sleepover with 2 friends. That was any basic weekend when I was a kid. But you doubled down and made it creepy by finding her address.”
Someone else agreed and commented, “I hope I don’t know you IRL, because your stalking tendencies are frightening. You completely understated ‘going overboard’ to a scary degree. The teacher was wrong, but you are totally unhinged. ESH”
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The situation is a mess.
A fellow teacher laid it out nicely. Lorna definitely put her nose where it didn’t belong, but OP went way too far. As the person explained, “ESH. I am a teacher and she had no right. Absolutely none. How dare she? Would every time you take your kid to the park, the movies, or have a playdate, you be required to invite everyone in case he brings it up at school? Ridiculous.
“But you were definitely unhinged to track down her personal info,” the person continued. “Can you imagine someone doing that to you where you work? You’d get a restraining order! And in a day and age where teachers are getting shot, this is 100% uncalled for. She doesn’t know you well enough to know if she’s safe or not.”
