Having kids is expensive, and there's a lot that parents have to buy for them. Between gear such as a car seat, stroller, crib, and baby monitor, as well as all the clothing for their little growing bodies (that they outgrow in the blink of an eye!), the cost gets driven up pretty quickly. That's why so many parents turn to hand-me-downs from other moms to help curb expenses.
Being able to have reused baby and kid clothes is a perfect way to save some money. Babies and young kids don't get to wear the same outfit too many times before they grow out of them, so they're nearly brand-new. Also, baby and young kid clothes rarely go out of style when it comes to typical items such as onesies and sleepers. It's a tradition in many families to help each other out with hand-me-downs, and the memories of little ones in each outfit can stay in the family.
But sometimes hand-me-downs become an issue, and that’s what prompted a mom to ask advice on Reddit.
Posting to Reddit's Breaking Mom community, a mom (OP) wanted to get advice on a situation she's found herself in with her sister-in-law (SIL).
"A few years ago my SIL was getting rid of ALL of her baby stuff after her twins outgrew it," she began her post. "I do not have twins but she got two of everything even if she may not have needed two of certain items (diaper genies, wipe warmers) because my MIL was footing that bill."
OP didn't get all sour about her SIL choosing to sell the items, so she flagged which things she wanted to buy. "I did bid on some of her items and promised I would pay the amount she was asking for, my only huge ask was if she could hold onto the clothes until I knew the gender (about two weeks out) because she had two boys," OP continued.
"She sold everything and pretended not to see my message but she left me on read so I knew she didn’t want me to have her stuff. It worked out though, we were having a girl, so I was probably wasting her time."
It turns out it was no big deal for OP, and she was able to get everything she needed.
"I had a really nice baby shower and got everything on my list," OP said. Adding, "Then I welcomed another little girl 15 months [later] so all my new stuff was in great shape for her."
However, now her SIL is pregnant – and she's expecting a girl.
"Very exciting after welcoming twin boys five years ago," OP said. "Except her & my MIL want all of my baby s–t and they don’t believe family should pay for it," she said. "My husband and I want more kids but not right now. It would probably all time out that I could lend her my things and have them back by the time I would be ready for baby #3."
Although technically she could lend her SIL the clothes, she has reservations about that.
"However, I don’t know if it would come back in decent condition or be returned at all," she explained. "Her and my BIL smoke in the house and I’m kind of sensitive to smoke."
But OP then got super candid and said her whole reason for hesitating isn't only because she was worried she would need the clothing back. Instead, she is simply salty.
"Also, I’ll be honest. I’m salty AF that my MIL spoiled one DIL & son and ignored her other son," she admitted.
OP noted that her MIL did get some gifts for her baby, but it wasn't the same as what her SIL received.
"We did get some nice outfits from her but she got SIL & BIL everything," she explained. "Cribs, diaper genies, play mats, swings, car seats because SIL’s family gave her clothes & toddler items. My MIL tends to favor them and they’re better than us or have it harder than us, whatever narrative garners more attention," she added.
Ouch. It's not easy to feel like you're not being given the same amount of love.
OP thanked the readers for reading the full story and asked if she was in the wrong to keep her baby things.
"Leave her on read. Ignore your MIL," one person in the community suggested. "Hide it all in your attic. I'm p—ed FOR you."
Another Reddit user suggested OP say, "'Gosh, I wish you'd said something sooner, we sold it all!'" and that's it.
"You don't owe them a d–n thing! Especially if y'all are planning to have more," commented another person. "But even if y'all aren't, I wouldn't give her anything. The MIL can provide for her again. Put the stuff you want to keep somewhere out of the way (garage, attic, etc) and sell or donate the rest."
"My SIL found out I was selling some of my baby stuff after the baby was born. We really needed the money at that time and I honestly had a lot of good s–t," another community member wrote.
"SIL asked if we could hold it for her instead because they too were tight on money and having a little girl and it would help them out so much. I told her of course but to please return the stuff once their baby has outgrown it all because I planned to still sell it," the person continued. "So their baby comes and I had not yet asked or reminding them about returning things yet. I notice that SIL was advertising a s–t ton of stuff for sale on Marketplace and eBay. Of course it was my stuff."
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