TRIGGER WARNING: This post contains information about suicide, which may be triggering to some.
Joanne Valdez will never forget the day she got the call that nearly crippled her. A few years ago, her son Aiden, attempted to commit suicide while she was at work. He was just 14 years old at the time, and while she had noticed that he had become more withdrawn and moody, she says she attributed his behavior to normal teen hormonal fluctuations.
In honor of Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, which runs from September 1 through September 30, CafeMom sat down for a chat with Joanne about her experience and what she wants other parents to know about teen mental health and suicide prevention.
No one is immune to a mental health crisis.
Aiden, who is now 17, had a good relationship with his mother. He had access to mental health resources and knew that there were people out there who could help him. He tried to kill himself anyway.
Joanne tells us that while she has always been aware that mental health issues run in their family and that she had noticed some changes in Aiden’s behavior — frequent mood swings in particular — she thought what he was experiencing was probably normal for his age, so she didn’t prod too much.
She was shocked when she got the call.
“Before he did it, he went to the website and called the teen crisis line,” Joanne tells us. But, “he decided not to talk to them.”
What Aiden didn’t know that was that even though he didn’t utter a word after that phone call connected, the crisis line automatically contacts local authorities when it receives a call like Aiden’s. Police showed up at the home not long after, and were able to convince Aiden not to go through with it.
When authorities called Joanne to let her know what had happened, she was completely caught off guard. She tells us that she was in such a state of shock that she could not move from her desk. A coworker had to drive her to Aiden.
Therapy was the family's first step to healing.
Joanne can’t stress enough how important therapy has been for Aiden’s journey after his suicide attempt, and hers as well. “Everyone had to go to therapy. Aiden was in the hospital. He came out a lot more positive,” she tells CafeMom.
“First, he was angry with me. He was a little guarded for awhile,” she says, but he continued going to therapy on his own and with his mom for months afterward, and he healed. Over time, he learned how to manage his stress, anxiety, and emotions better, and started to figure out what his triggers are.
Life changes and changes to routine can be big stressors for children and teens, so Joanne urges other parents to pay particular attention to their kids during those transitional times.
Mental health maintenance is an ongoing process.
While Aiden has largely been doing very well the past few years, Joanne tells us that he recently approached her about wanting to return to therapy. He still suffers from clinical depression and severe anxiety and he’s been stressed as he enters his senior of high school.
The ongoing collaboration between them in regards to his mental health has been crucial. A few years ago, even though Joanne thought they had a good relationship, she says she was attempting to exert too much control over him and putting too much pressure on him, which was creating a divide between them. At that time, he wouldn’t have come to her the way he has now.
While it’s hard for every parent, Joanne firmly believes that we have to allow teens some independence.
But we also have to prioritize spending time with them.
Yes, teenagers are known for not particularly wanting to hang out with their parents, but throughout their time in therapy together, Joanne says she learned just how important it is to still make sure that you do.
Whether it’s having dinner together, watching a TV show, or just stopping for a five- or 10-minute chat when you run into each other in the kitchen, carve out those moments to connect.
“Always keep an eye on them and don’t assume it’s just teenage hormones,” she says.
And when you notice red flags? “Talk and then get them into a health provider as soon as possible.” They may not be thrilled about getting help in the beginning, but it could save their lives.
Suicide is a leading cause of death among tweens and teens.
Aiden and Joanne’s story is sadly, not unique. In the US, suicide is the second leading cause of death among children between the ages of 10 and 14, and the third leading cause of death in people between the ages of 15 and 24, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness. It’s also more common among boys and men.
Not only that, nearly 20% of high school students in the US have had serious suicidal thoughts, along with 45% of LGBTQ youth. Youth and teen mental health concerns should always be taken seriously.
Help is available. There are a myriad of websites dedicated to helping teens in crisis, including, iamteenstrong.com and the new 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Make sure your children are aware of these resources. Keep the websites and/or phone numbers posted somewhere they can see them, and remain vigilant about noticing changes in mood and behavior.
Note: If you or any of your loved ones are struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can always reach out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling 988. They are available 24/7 by phone or online chat.
