A lot of times, divorce is difficult. It can be challenging for parents and kids trying to make it all work in the best interests of everyone. Sharing custody, time, and homes can be tricky, but parents usually do their best to make sure their kids are happy and loved, no matter whose house they are in. But when the kids are with your ex, you sometimes can't help but wonder what they are doing.
A divorced couple with two children is trying to navigate successful co-parenting. The ex-husband remarried, and his new wife makes great money that affords them and the boys, 7 and 14, the opportunity to do some fun things. While the couple share custody, their mom wants control over what their sons do while in their dad's care. The family travels, but she puts her foot down on getting the boys passports and allowing them to leave the country. Now, the former couple is feuding, and she posted in Reddit's AITA forum to see if she is wrong for grounding the plane.
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The mom thinks her ex is 'brainwashing' their kids.
According to the original poster, her boys' stepmom is loaded, and she and their dad have done some nice traveling out of the country. Apparently, he has shared those adventures with the boys, who seem excited about getting out and discovering the world, too.
"The kids want their passports now thanks to his brainwashing," she explained. "I initially said yes because him and my son caught me off guard and started asking me if it was okay one day. Then I had time to think about it and realized how bad things are in the world right now and I don't feel like it's worth the risk and danger having the kids so far away from me and out of the country with their dad and stepmom. They also need my consent per our custody agreement to go out of the country anyway, and at this point I'd never say yes."
OP wasn't satisfied with the travel plans.
Per their custody agreement, the couple must agree that the kids travel out of the country. OP wrote that she pressed for more info when her ex asked about getting the passports. She wanted to know where they were planning to go, and when he said he wasn't sure, she thought it was "sketchy." She told her ex and the kids that the world is too crazy and she wasn't going to agree to passports, so the conversation was "pointless." This made her ex and the boys upset.
"So my ex is texting me now saying I'm an a–hole and I'm 'robbing my kids of experiences' except I never have gone out of the country and don't have a passport and I am fine, so I don't really buy it. Like does a 7 year old and a 14 year old really need to experience japan or england or whatever, they can go when they are 18 and probably appreciate it more then. Other than some initial disappointment my kids haven't even mentioned it to me again so I have a feeling they don't really care and it's more their dad influencing them," she wrote.
So, does that make her an a–hole?
Reddit was pretty quick to call OP out.
"'The kids want the passports now thanks to his brainwashing,'" one commenter quoted the OP. "This isn't about the rest of the world being unsafe and dangerous (which it isn't). This is about you being jealous he married someone who makes more money than you and can introduce your kids to new experiences without you. Stop being selfish."
People felt like the dad was just being proactive.
"It's not sketchy to want to get them a passport now and not have any plans to go anywhere at the moment," a Redditor pointed out. "It's called planning ahead. Something people tend to do so that they're not scrambling for important documents at the last minute. YTA."
Is this all about jealousy?
Maybe OP feels slighted that her ex is enjoying a life she isn't? Perhaps she wants to travel, too? Redditors felt she was being unfair to her kids because of her discontent.
One Redditor commented: "Her entire post reeks of 'HOW DARE HE BE ABLE TO DO THINGS IN NOT. HE SHOULD BE SUFFERING AND I SHOULD BE THE ONLY ONE GIVING MY KIDS NICE THINGS'
seriously op… YTA in a serious way."
And why shouldn't their dad enjoy experiences with his kids?
"YTA," someone agreed. "Your ex loves your children and wouldn't put them in harm's way. I live in the United States and was worried about my adult daughter traveling to another country. She told me the country she was traveling to was one of the 20 safest while the US was the 129th. Yet I feel safe going about my life. Travel enriches children and you are denying them a valuable opportunity. I sense you are acting out of jealousy rather than a sense of duty to your children."
"YTA big time – you are deliberately depriving your children of what could be amazing experiences out of your own jealousy and insular thinking," a comment reads. "It's choices like that which will lead to you never seeing your sons once they have the choice to leave and having nothing to do with you."
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Get the passports and let your kids enjoy their lives.
Sorry, OP: Redditors agreed that you were totally being a jealous jerk. These decisions probably won't bode well for future relationships with your children.
One Redditor summed it up nicely: "OP, YTA. Just because you hate your ex doesn't mean you need to take it out on your kids. They want this experience, you being a jerk about it is just going to push them away from you. Enjoy your misery."
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