After every holiday dinner or vacation, I would witness my mom head to the gym and pool where she would run, lift, and swim off every single calorie that she consumed. Sometimes she'd go before to make room for the feast.
If she binged on junk food one day, she would balance it out by only eating vegetables the next day. She was obsessed with drinking lots of water whenever she ate salty foods to reduce bloating. Growing up, she would make comments about how women need to stay slim and youthful and not let themselves go, especially after marriage and kids.
So yes, she was an "almond mom." Did it contribute to my past eating disorder? Yes.
But after years of recovery, I've learned to not blame her. It's not my responsibility to fix her beliefs that are consumed by diet culture and fatphobia. Here's how I'm setting boundaries and moving forward as a regular food mom, and teaching my kids to love their bodies.
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I don't label foods as good or bad.
My mom put food into two categories: healthy and unhealthy. Chips, chocolate, candy, fried foods, or anything that was prepared by a restaurant were considered bad. These should be avoided as much as possible. And if she consumed them, she believed she needed to exercise to burn the calories off or balance the "bad day" with a "good day" that consisted of lots of water and healthy and clean foods like fruits and vegetables.
In our home, we don't label food as good or bad. We call them "often" and "sometimes" foods. We talk about how eating different foods makes us feel. We embrace all types of food. I don't restrict their diets or prohibit treats. We practice mindful eating and discuss the different textures and flavors, the ones we like and don't like and why and the body sensations associated with the experience.
My kids understand that it's OK to eat processed foods every so often because they are enjoyable. But nutrient-dense foods are our staples because they give them sufficient energy to function during the day and have the building blocks that grow strong bones and muscles.
I speak positively about my body.
Growing up, my mom did not wear sleeveless tops. She was self-conscious about her arms. Then when she started hitting it hard at the gym during my teens, she finally felt comfortable baring them. She often showed us her traditional Chinese qipao (wedding dress) which included a corset that made her waist tiny, something she no longer had.
Do I still look in the mirror after a shower and sometimes feel a bit down about the cellulite on my thighs or muffin top? Sure, but I try my best to not project my insecurities onto my children.
I talk about the amazing things our bodies can do. For instance, how our strong leg muscles help move us from point A to B and how our arms and shoulders allow us to swing, climb, carry, push, and pull. I emphasize those as the reasons for taking care of ourselves by eating wholesome foods and regularly moving our bodies.
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I strive to be a good role model.
When I'm eating a burger and fries, I don't talk about how the grams of fat or calories that I'll need to burn after. And honestly, I don't care about that stuff because I'm enjoying myself. I express how pleasurable it is to eat that type of food, especially when it's a treat
I cook all our meals and I make sure they are nutritious, properly seasoned, and delicious. I don't serve steamed broccoli and bland chicken breast in our home. I fill my plate with veggies not because I'm supposed to but because I actually like the taste of them. And I share these conscious decisions with my kids.
I'll often do yoga or resistance training in front of my kids. After my workout, I'll express how amazing it felt to challenge my body and keep it strong. And that's the truth. Exercise isn't just good for you; it feels good, too. This helps them learn to appreciate their bodies and connect how they're feeling with the activities they do.
At the end of the day, I'm not resentful of my mom nor do I judge her parenting. She was a good role model in many other aspects of my childhood. She prioritized her health and wellness based on what she was exposed to culturally and environmentally. Unfortunately, her views were detrimental to my self-esteem and body image.
But now that I'm in the driver's seat, I'm taking what I've learned and changing history, one bite, step and word at a time.
*Disclaimer: The advice on CafeMom.com is not a substitute for consultation with a medical professional or treatment for a specific condition. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem without consulting a qualified professional. Please contact your health-care provider with questions and concerns.
