Having a baby can be a wonderful and joyful experience. It can also be totally overwhelming as there are SO MANY details to figure out. Parents-to-be need to nail down a name choice, figure out feeding plans, and get their homes ready for an explosion of baby gear. For couples who both work, major decision also must be made about the who/what/where of child care for their little bundle of joy. Sometimes that can be a simple decision, and sometimes it ends up being a topic of discussion on Reddit's AITA forum!
Unfortunately for one soon-to-be father (we'll call him OP), he and his pregnant wife aren't seeing eye-to-eye about this important decision, and he took to the internet to get validated that he isn't in the wrong by refusing to become a stay-at-home dad, even if his wife thinks he is being unfair.
OP and his wife are both successful professionals.
As OP explained in his post to Am I the A–hole, his "wife is an orthodontist, and I work in tech. Both of us earn pretty decent and contribute equally to the household."
OK, we're off to a good start! That makes it seem like they'd be more fortunate than many when it comes to managing the cost of child care.
OP's wife, however, is "debating whether she should take a break from her career for 2-3 years to focus on our baby. She’s leaning more towards becoming a SAHM," he shared.
OP is supportive of this idea (as he should be, if they can afford it) but the conflict comes with the second part of his wife's plan: What happens after she goes back to work in three years?
OP's wife wants him to quit his job and embrace the stay-at-home dad life at that point.
OP shared that his wife came up with that idea. "She’ll be the SAHM for the first two years and after that, I quit my job and become a stay at home dad for a while," but he doesn't "think I’d like to quit my job."
His perfectly reasonable solution is that they look into getting a full-time babysitter when his wife is ready to return to work.
Here's the thing: We think OP seems as if he is being pretty reasonable. Not everyone is cut out to be a stay-at-home parent. And, as some folks in the comments pointed out, things in the tech field can move pretty quickly, so OP might not have an easy time returning to the work force if he takes a leave for several years.
So why exactly is he worried that he's in the wrong?
His wife is accusing him of being selfish and choosing career over family.
We're not sure if there are some pregnancy hormones to blame in this situation, but it sounds like OP's wife is BIG MAD!
According to him, "My wife thought I was being mean and unreasonable and selfish, and putting my career over my family and stormed off. I did try apologizing for arguing because I don’t wanna make her so upset during this phase of the pregnancy, but she’s refusing to even talk to me."
What makes it worse is that his wife isn't keeping this fight between the two of them. She's called in the big guns.
Yep, now the in-laws are involved!
Poor OP is now getting texts from his in-laws accusing him of not treating their daughter right. Thankfully for OP, however, Redditors are on his side.
As one commenter wrote, "You are supporting HER choice. She should support YOUR choice."
"I could see her being angry if he didn't, say, want to take parental leave. That's time to bond with their child, help out during the most difficult period, etc.," someone else wrote. "But expecting him to take an unnecessary hiatus after 2-3 years is completely unreasonable. It almost certainly will affect his future earnings potential too. At least resetting his career progress."
As for how to respond to his in-laws, we think OP should take this advice from one of the forum members: "Tell them to mind their own business, but in a nicer way. Something like: we are having a disagreement but I can assure you I love and care for my family and ME and your daughter (aloneeeee) will talk and resolve this matter."
We're not sure if OP should tell his super pregnant wife that people online thinks she's being unreasonable, but we do hope they'll figure it out and find an amazing babysitter when wife is ready to go back to work.
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