The first few weeks and even months after giving birth are known for being difficult for parents, but especially for the mother, who probably isn’t sleeping and is still physically recovering. Well, one man on Reddit, who happens to be a new dad to a 6-week-old baby, didn’t seem to understand this when he posted saying he doesn’t understand why his wife didn’t want his friends to come over.
The dad asked the Reddit "AITA" forum to weigh in. Reddit users were quick to fill this clueless man in on why his wife was upset and who was really in the wrong in this situation.
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The man went to the gym and was hanging out with some friends on a Saturday while his wife was home with the baby.
The man explained his situation in the Reddit thread, and honestly just reading halfway into it is infuriating. He wrote: “Last Saturday I went over to a friend's house to hang out with the guys. My wife (who gave birth to our son 6 weeks ago) also had her friend over to our house. So I finish up at the gym, head over there and sit down to play some games. After playing for about 30 minutes, my wife calls me (her friend is gone now) and asks if I can come home because a bump on her skin has gotten more painful and she doesn't want to be taking care of the baby alone when it's painful for her to stand and walk at this point (previously it only hurt while she was sitting).”
It sounds like a very relaxing Saturday for the father of a 6-week-old. Honestly, any mother or parent who understands how difficult the early weeks and months are with a newborn can see the problem in the first few sentences. But the man continues to explain how upset he is and that his friends don’t get it either.
“Obviously I'm disappointed that I have to leave but it is what it is. So I get up and tell my friend who gave me a ride over that I need him to give me a ride home. Everyone is confused and upset that I'm leaving, especially since now they're going to be short a person for their game,” he wrote.
The man seemed genuinely confused why his wife was upset, and that’s honestly the most upsetting part.
The man shared that he called his wife on the way home and things took a turn for the worse. “On the ride home I call my wife and suggest that I just bring my friends over to my house instead, that way I can help with the baby whenever she needs me to and I'll still get to hang out with my friends whenever I'm not needed by her. She says that she doesn't want people over, and we hang up. At this point I'm mad,” he wrote.
He continued to explain that they argued and he didn’t understand why she was upset since he would be “at her beck and call” while he was home and it wouldn't make a difference if his friends were there or not.
The man then added this disclaimer at the end of his Reddit post, “Please don't leave negative comments about my wife being a baby or anything. I’m not here to make her look bad or to bash her, I love and care about her a lot. I just need to know if I was being a jerk or not.”
The postpartum period is an extremely difficult time for mothers.
WebMD defines postpartum as a time to heal and adjust and that the first few weeks in postpartum can involve mood changes, hair, skin, and weight changes, along with physical discomfort. If a mother decides to breastfeed, she will likely be nursing every few hours, or more often, which is another factor in making the mother tired and overwhelmed in the postpartum period.
It seems this dad did not consider all the physical and emotional changes his wife was going through after giving birth when he got upset about wanting to have his friends over.
Reddit users were quick to point out his error.
Although the man added at the end of his post for people to not judge his wife, he apparently didn’t expect to be in the wrong, and Reddit users quickly filled him in.
"YTA and so are your friends," one Reddit user wrote. "Why on earth would they be confused that you were going home to your wife and newborn? You have a NEWBORN and a wife who hasn’t physically healed from the birth yet. You should be at home taking care of the two of them. Your job right now is to make life EASIER for your wife. Not harder. It’s also hilariously optimistic of you to think people are going to say anything negative about your wife."
Another user commented: “YTA. What were you going to do for the rest of the day? Take care of your kid, clean the house, make a meal, watch a movie with your wife, etc etc. Your wife recently gave birth and she was in pain. She doesn't want a bunch of people over playing games.”
Those of us who've been there know that him doing anything other than what his postpartum wife needed from him in that moment would have been the wrong choice. But doing it and giving her crap about it is just as bad.
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