
When we embark on our parenting journeys, we often dream about what it will look like. Some of these dreams are downright delusions, and we find out really quickly that being a parent is hard work and often looks nothing like what we see on social media. No one's life is perfect, no matter how they try to frame those beautiful photos and videos, and we are all just doing our best. We try so hard to make every moment of the day count, but sometimes, it's quality over quantity.
TikToker Sara Martinez has figured out the most important times of the day to show our children love, and it may not be as time-consuming as you think. Martinez, who posts on the app as @iamsaramartinez, shares the nine most impactful minutes in a child's day. Whether your child is an infant or getting ready to leave the nest, this parenting hack is helpful for all ages.
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She breaks this parenting hack up into three small, impactful times of day.
She explains in text on her clip that she got inspiration from a theory that says just nine minutes have the most significant impact on a child's day and that she "can't stop thinking about it." The mother is referring to Jaak Panksepp's "9-Minute Theory," and it's pretty incredible.
First, it's the three minutes after your child wakes up. Second, the three minutes after your child gets home from school or day care. The third is the three minutes right before bed.
Martinez uses those time slots to spend quality time with her young daughter.
She told Newsweek she was feeling the mom guilt so many of us experience.
"It's a common thread among parents, from those who stay at home and juggle countless tasks to working parents who face their own unique challenges," she said.
She took Panksepp's idea to heart and began to feel less guilty and more at peace in her parenting journey. She captioned her video, "I always struggle with mom guilt and questioning if i was present enough. If this is true or not, I do find setting aside specific time to be present with my toddler (no phones out, etc) has made a positive impact."
The mom's video resonated with a lot of parents.
Plenty of parents understood the idea of feeling parental guilt.
This dad wrote, "Same. Dad guilt kills me everyday slowly. Every minute I'm on my phone I can't help but think that's a minute I let TikTok steal from my baby girl."
And this mom felt seen: "This makes me feel so much better. As a working mom Im really not around as much as I want but I can do these 9 minutes ."
But not everyone had a warm fuzzy feeling, such as this mom who wrote, "These type of videos make me feel like a failure. He wakes up before me, 3 min gone, I play with him plenty, before bed it's all preparation for bed.. 'how do you lay down what does sleep look like?'"
Other parents shared their experiences.
This family enjoys time in the crib: "Our first 3 minutes in the morning are usually her playing in her crib lol she's so content and happy."
And this parent understood the assignment: "I need to work on those last 3 minutes because by then I'm but I can do it for her! ❤️"
So did this one: "The theme seems to be connecting during transitions? I love this."
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Martinez just wants to help.
She wants her video to help parents understand that a few minutes a day can make a huge difference.
"My hope is to convey that, despite these different circumstances, being intentional and present in the moments we share with our children can alleviate some of this guilt," she told Newsweek.
"It's about cherishing the reunions, whether they're after a long day of work or simply a short separation. These moments are opportunities to reinforce our bond, making each reunion special and memorable."