When times are tough it can be crucial to have a community to turn to for support. One would think that those in the community would be happy during the good times too! This wasn't so much the case for one woman, who tried to share her breastfeeding victory with a baby group online after going through “the journey from h–l” to get there. But instead of cheers, she was shamed and told that she was making other moms who formula feed feel bad.
To say that the Original Poster’s (OP) breastfeeding journey was rough is an understatement.
“Tongue ties, painful feeds, thrush, not gaining weight, sh—y latch,” the mom explained in a post on Mumsnet. She also shared that she had “literally everything except low supply” while trying to breastfeed.
But three months later, she’s “still going on a combination of formula, pumped milk and boob.”
Feeling like she finally had a win, she decided to share a photo of her feeding success to a local baby group.
In the caption she wrote that she was proud that she’s managed to keep nursing “despite all the crap," in part to thank the group for keeping her going when things seemed their darkest.
"They were so lovely and wonderful," she wrote.
At first, she received tons of positive messages.
But then one commenter chimed in that the OP was being "arrogant."
The person told her she should "have some respect for all the mums that choose to formula feed and I shouldn't be throwing it down everyones necks."
Before she knew it, the tide had officially turned against her.
Other moms joined in and told the OP that "breastfeeding is nothing to be proud of and I should shut up."
"Things along the lines of 'big whoop you can feed your baby I can't so this makes you better than me? P–s off,'" she recalled.
Then she deleted the photo. She was completely horrified.
Now she could cry just thinking about the response her photo got.
But was she really wrong for posting?
"I honestly wanted to give up so many times … but the local group kept me going and if posting about my success can encourage other mums to seek their help then that's surely only a good thing?" she wrote. "I don't know."
Although her intentions were pure, some people could see how her post might incite a flame war.
"I think you can be quietly proud, but posting about your pride on a public forum, not aimed solely at breastfeeding mums could be seen as a bit goady," one commenter wrote. "You've deleted the thread so try and put it out of your head."
"Honestly? Some people are very, very defensive about the way they feed their baby," someone else commented. "You won't go far wrong if you only ever mention breastfeeding if you're sure the only other people who will hear/see it also breastfeed."
"Sadly people can get rather defensive about breastfeeding — often if they have wanted to but didn't get the support they needed," a third commenter added.
Other people reminded the OP that she should be proud.
"You rightfully should feel proud — well done!" one commenter wrote.
"No one should make you or any other mom feel bad. Mom’s should be proud whether they breastfeed or formula feed. Both are giving their loved, cared for and precious baby the best start in life," another commenter added.
A third person put it like this:
"I breastfed both my babies to 2-and-a-half. They both thrived and I'm hugely proud of this. I don't really talk about it with people, for fear of a backlash. I never breastfed in public after 18 months, for fear of judgement. Hold your head up high. Well done. I wish I could have been less secretive."
It's such a shame the OP's victory was crushed by anonymous posters on the internet. But we agree that she should feel proud of herself and find another way to feel good about herself. Just don't post anything about it on the internet, OP. That's never going to make you feel good about yourself.
