Many parents have dreams of what their children may become one day — doctor, a lawyer, president of the United States. Others who are less concerned with external achievements, and simply hope that their children will be kind and self-assured. Almost all parents want their children to grow up and be happy.
But rarely do we hear parents openly and proudly declare that they want their children to be gay. But that’s just what one mother on social media did. And in response to her video, all hell broke loose.
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'Please be gay,' Ericka says, holding her child in front of the camera.
In a video shared on her Instagram page, writer and racial, social, and gender justice educator Ericka Hart, who is queer, held up her child East, as they wore a rainbow onesie. Smiling and holding the baby in front of the camera, Ericka said, “Gay baby. It’s a gay baby. Gay baby Gay, gay, gay. Please be gay.”
In the background, you hear Ericka’s partner Ebony say more seriously, “Be what you want to be.” Ericka continues, “Be what you want to be but be gay, OK? Thank you. No pressure but pressure.”
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Some were outraged by the video and asked that her child be taken from her.
I follow Ericka on Instagram and have interviewed her for another publication. So perhaps that’s the reason why I understood that the post was tongue-in-cheek. But also, her sing-song tone denoted the lightheartedness of her message as well. Still, the internet did what the internet does.
People got ahold of the video, felt some level of discomfort behind it, and expressed their outrage.
“This is just so wrong on so many levels,” wrote Philadelphia Power 99 radio DJ Roxy Romeo. “No parent should ever subject their child to this even if that’s what they want. she should be ashamed of herself smh.”
“Toxic s—!” another user wrote. “Where’s DHS when you need them. Somebody arrest this lady for child abuse.”
Others wondered if she was sexualizing her child.
Others took a softer approach and suggested that this mother wish for other things for her child, whose current pronouns are they/them.
“Pray he’s happy pray he’s successful pray he’s healthy pray that he’s respectful pray that he always tries his best pray that he grows up to be the best version on himself he can be … But to pray for his sexual orientation wether that be gay or straight is just sick its not beneficial to him or anyone else to know who he decides to sleeps with … And its very weird!”
After reading many of the negative comments, Ericka said she is tired.
After all of the commentary on her post, Ericka came back to Instagram, along with her partner, to share how all of it has landed. She shared an image of herself with text over it, explaining.
“I’ve been sitting here trying to come up with a video or story to respond to all the vitriol I have been receiving for the past several days in response to a video of East and I,” she writes.
“Witnessing people go out of their way to insult my entire being, how my child looks and make idle threats about me as a parent all because they want to prove that queerness is wrong and they are normal/human/right because they believe everyone should be straight and cisgender. Although the world spends a lot of time trying to convince everyone that they are cis heterosexual before they are even born, it’s a problem for me to wish my kid be queer in a tongue and cheek way …”
Ericka's partner Ebony did offer a response.
In the same post, Ericka’s partner Ebony did respond with a video. The video was also shared on TikTok. In it, Ebony said that there is no vitriol for the ways in which heterosexual people project and even force their desire for straightness onto their children.
“People coerce children into straightness and they force them to be straight, so much so to the point that kids are routinely harmed if they come out in their households," Ebony said. "Even if they are cisgender or even if they might identify as heterosexual but they don’t perform it in a way that society says a cisgender, heterosexual child looks, they get harmed or they get made fun of or they get bullied." Ebony concludes: "There’s no vitriol behind that.”
Ebony offered examples like telling children they have a boyfriend or girlfriend, calling young girls “fast.”
“There is not a gay agenda but there absolutely is a straight agenda. And we would all do well to be mindful of it,” Ebony asserted.
