Before I type another word, I am hitting you with the most sincere and loving disclosure: My children are the light of my life, and I would do anything for them. Each of the four holds one chamber of my heart, and I don't think I could properly function without them. But for the love of all that is good in this world, can we please get these tweens back to school?
The teenagers can stick around for another week or two if they'd like. They have jobs and responsibilities, and one of them can even drive. But the younger two had better pack their lunchboxes and get going. Here are the top five reasons why I'm counting down the days until my tweens go back to school:
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They are so bored.
How are they bored? I would love to know the answer because I don't get it. We have every streaming service you can imagine, the fastest internet money can buy, and if the giant TVs in the common areas aren't enough, they all have personal devices. Did I mention I have four children, and they are built-in playmates for one another?
They also have a gaggle of cousins all the same age who are at my house every day. My parents have a pool that they can walk to! I could throw them every board game in the world, dozens of toys, and a Fortnite gift card, and they'd still hit me with the "B" word.
They are so tired.
How can you be tired if you don't do anything because there is nothing to do but sit around and stare at each other? Well, at my place, that's downright exhausting. I am literally dragging bodies out of bed around 11 a.m., and sometimes, they'll still have the nerve to tell me I am so mean for not letting them rest. They drape their limbs over couches and the occasional pool lounger, and you'd think I've got them training for a marathon.
They are so hungry.
You know what makes you hungry? Doing absolutely nothing evidently works up a mean appetite. Just ask my tweenage kids. They'll tell you it takes at least 3 gallons of milk, three loaves of bread, a few boxes of cereal, and one or two of those jumbo-sized bags of Doritos from Costco each week just to sustain the energy level of a slug. Throw in a few dozen cookies and a pound of salami, and you're set for 10 days.
They are so up in my business.
I am lucky enough to work from home full time, but I might as well give up my career and throw on a referee's jersey instead. I swear I break up more fights than any other parent on my block. And I'm calling it now, if my 11-year-old doesn't go into some kind of news reporting job, I've failed as a parent. This kid's got dirt on everyone else in the house and is coming in hot with leads on bad behavior before it even happens.
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They are so ready to go.
That might be a stretch, but they are looking forward to being with their friends again and they actually like their teachers. Do they really want to do the homework? Probably not. And if I am being honest, neither do I. But when they are in school and have their routines, they feel better. That's not to say that it isn't nice to have a break for a couple of months, because it totally is, but school is great for all of us.
The summer will be over before we know it, and they'll all be back in school. The house will be quiet and I'll be all alone. Check back with me in about six weeks, and I'll give you my top five reasons why I am ready for holiday break.
I'll miss my kids so darn much once they're no longer here all day, and I hate having an empty house, but please … let me enjoy it just long enough to realize I really can't wait to have them back.
