It's really hard to be in the position of a stepparent. We want to do our best for the bonus kids in our lives, but it's not always easy to find the boundaries, especially with their biological parents. It's so much easier if all the adults can get along, but we know that's not always the case. But, as much as stepmothers are given a bad rap, there are so many, the majority likely, who also just want the best for the younger ones in their lives.
That seems to have been the case for one stepmom who had a teen stepdaughter reach out to her for help, which she did. However, she found herself in hot water from her stepchild's mom and she's not sure what to make of it.
A stepmom took to Reddit to get some insight on a situation that happened at home.
Posting in Reddit's AITA community, a stepmom (OP) shared an incident that happened between her and her stepdaughter. She started her post with some important background information.
"I am married to my husband who has a 17-year-old daughter from his first marriage," the OP wrote. "We have been married for 4 years. To get things out of the way: my husband and I started dating well after he divorced his wife."
The stepmom shared that her stepdaughter has been staying with her for the past month because her mom is unwell. "We have her this month because her mother was diagnosed with the big C that is floating around while it was our week with step daughter," she added.
While staying with them, OP says her stepdaughter started having issues with her period.
"TMI," OP warned, adding, "She started her period last Thursday and it was bad. I am talking 3 days in bed, puking, cramps of h–l. I had similar symptoms when I was her age and was diagnosed way too late with endo."
After watching her stepdaughter suffer this way for three days, she asked her stepdaughter what was going on. "I asked her if this was normal for her and she said that she always has very bad periods, but that her doctor told her it's normal because some women are just less pain resistant," OP recalled.
"I was alarmed and told her it was absolutely not like that and her pain was not normal and she needs to get a second opinion. She asked me if I trusted my doctor and I told her yes," she added.
Then her stepdaughter asked if she could take her to the gynecologist that she trusts. "I said of course and made an appt."
OP says she made an appointment for her stepdaughter pretty quickly.
"We got an appt the next morning and because my husband was away on business I texted him to tell him what step daughter wanted," OP said.
"Next morning we go, I wait in the car. She comes back and breaks," OP said. Her stepdaughter started crying and said "she felt so relieved that her pain is not normal and that while she gets screanings she got some pills to relieve her bleeding and pain (not contraception)."
When OP and her stepdaughter got home, her stepdaughter called her mom to tell her what the doctor had said. "When we came back she seemed euphoric and was chatting with her mom," OP said.
"When she was done her mom called me back and was furious with me."
OP said her stepdaughter's mom was mad, like really mad.
"I am talking… Screaming calling me names etc. She said it was not my place and that the only people that have a say in her health are her and my husband," OP recalled.
The mom said it was "very creepy from me to talk about her privates when we are at home and she said that she was going to go to her lawyer to only let us get visitation."
"I am stunned," OP admitted. "My step daughter is old enough to make her own decisions regarding health… She is 17. She is not a baby. And I had no intentions but to help her because I went trough the same in my teens. I was not talking to her about her genitals. I was talking to her about periods… And I think that is pretty normal."
According to OP, her husband agrees with her, but acknowledges he is biased, and she wanted to ask Reddit users for their opinions.
"I would like to know what I did wrong and if I am in the wrong to apologize to my stepdaughters mom," the OP wrote. And the Reddit users chimed in with varying opinions on what went on in this situation.
"NTA," one person wrote. "First off, Mom is probably feeling undermined or like she has failed in the care of her child by not taking this more seriously. And I get that. It's got to feel sh—y. Which is why I would feel sh*tty all by my private self and then acknowledge that you helped with a, 'thank you, I didn't realize how bad it was and she sounds so relieved.'"
A second Reddit user agreed, writing, "My wife has endo and wasn't diagnosed until she was 25 because her mother told her the same thing. 'You're just unlucky and have bad periods'." They continued, "She's had very bad symptoms for the last 12 years, has had to have 9 total surgeries and a hysterectomy. You absolutely did the right thing, endometriosis is no f—ing joke and an early diagnosis is so helpful when it comes to treatment."
"NTA. NTA. NTA," wrote another person. "At 17 she could already legally have her own one year old child, so she is entitled to have a voice in discussing her own OBGYN care. It’s not as though she has made a life changing decision or surgery, just a consultation which she asked you for."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
