Kids can be so dramatic, even — or perhaps especially — once they get a bit older. Most parents have at least some experience with an over-the-top kid who takes everything just a bit too seriously. Sometimes they will blame everything bad or even remotely negative in their lives on their parents.
Kids seem to find it easy to point fingers at their parents whenever they have any kind of trouble in life. Some of it might be true, but what if it isn't and your kid has taken to social media to tell lies about their life?
A mom is facing this challenge with her 20-year-old daughter, Jane. The young woman claims she is experiencing ongoing trauma because of her parents. She decided to post about her younger years on TikTok, which caused quite an uproar within the family. Now her 39-year-old mom wants help from Reddit's AITA Forum. She took away her daughter's phone and internet, and now Jane is going crazy. Did the original poster overreact and take it too far?
Jane is making big claims about her family.
According to her mother, Jane had lots of access to the internet as she was growing up, and it has caused problems later in her life. The exposure evidently led her to have untrue ideas about her childhood.
OP admits that she and her husband, Tom, were not perfect parents, but she shared that they did their best to raise Jane in a loving home.
"I know exactly where we went wrong as parents, and I honestly think giving her unrestricted Internet access was the problem," OP explained.
Now Jane's favorite word is 'trauma.'
Jane can't stop talking to her parents about the "trauma" they caused her growing up. She says everything from her mother getting a part-time job when Jane was a teenager to the family living in the "ghetto," which OP claimed is false, has harmed her.
OP experienced migraines when Jane was growing up, which meant that Tom had to step in from time to time. Apparently, that was traumatic for Jane as well.
"During a migraine of mine, Tom would either take Jane out for a few hours, or take her for a playdate, or to either set of grandparents. Jane claims this was traumatic because she was forced to separate from me, despite the fact she did not even know until she was in her teens. I had, at most, 5 migraines a year," OP wrote.
Jane thinks airing the family's dirty laundry on TikTok is a good idea.
Jane is unemployed, not in school, and does nothing to help around the house. But she does spend a lot of time on social media. She has more than 10,000 followers on TikTok, so a significant number of people are seeing what she posts about her family life.
OP found out about the account when it came up on her For You page. She started to do some snooping and was shocked by what she saw. She shared that many of Jane's posts feature "nasty comments" about her and her husband. Although some of Jane's followers see through the charade and have made fun of Jane in the comments, calling her a "snowflake," there are also attacks on OP and Tom.
"I confronted Jane pretty much as soon as I got done snooping, and she blew up saying I had no right to call her out on it. She was saying that it was going in the traumabank (not her words but pretty much what she meant). I told her if she wants trauma, she very much needs a different kind of help," OP wrote.
OP was done.
OP had enough of Jane and her attitude, so she unplugged the internet router and canceled Jane's phone. Of course, this made Jane crazy, and Tom doesn't think it is a great idea either.
"She's crying all day, saying it's unfair to cut her off like this. My husband things I've gone too far and that Jane will just weaponise this against us, making our lives more miserable. AITA?" OP wanted to know.
OP turned to Reddit for some advice.
Redditors feel like things might be more profound than just Jane being a spoiled brat. Although the community didn't think that OP was necessarily wrong with what she did, they do believe that Jane needs some help.
"Nta. But she needs therapy… Obviously what you are describing is not abuse or traumatic," someone commented. "But she is looking for an excuse for not doing anything in her life. But, she needs a job and to help pay for things. But… She can't get a job without a phone or the internet."
"I suffer pretty extreme and occasionally debilitating mental health issues from very real trauma," another person wrote. "I am always really confused by this kind of behavior because I would actually cut off one of my legs to be like Jane. My life would be so dramatically improved without the mental scars, there is very little I wouldn't be willing to sacrifice to fix it."
"NTA but please get your daughter some therapy. Not for all the 'trauma', mind you, but to help her deal with the chip on her shoulder and the dramaqueening," another person commented.
But some commenters don't think taking away her phone and online access is the answer.
To most it seems pretty obvious that if OP wants Jane to get a job and do something on her own, she can't do it without the internet or a phone.
"If Jane wants to behave like a spoilt child then she should be treated like one. A very basic smart phone and the internet should only be accessible between 9am and 5pm, work hours to look for a job. Then the router should be switched off" one person suggested.
Others want Jane to handle these things herself. She is obviously old enough to get a job.
"Your daughter had apparently faced no life adversity to teach her how to adult. She is however an adult with options that include getting a phone herself and a job to pay for it and for internet," one comment reads.
Other people also think that OP needs to do a bit of reflecting on how she raised Jane.
The Reddit community doesn't necessarily think that OP is the a–hole, but they do believe she did some things wrong.
"NTA but you need to have her start doing adult things like get a job and other things around the house. You've raised her to be very entitled," one person commented.
People don't think OP can blame all of her problems on social media.
"The internet is not the problem here. The fact that you raised her to believe she is the star of the show is the problem," another person wrote. "She needs to grow tf up, but she's never had to do so."
"But you've raised a self-centered, spoiled brat. At 20 she needs to start behaving like the adult she is. Give her deadlines to get a job, pay rent, pay for her share of the bills & finally, move out," someone else chimed in. "And stick to those deadlines! If hubby complains about you being unfair ask him if it's fair to her to be dependant on you for the rest of your lives & what she'll do when you're gone."
OP, Redditors think you need to make some changes.
You may not be the definitive jerk, but Redditors think your family needs some help. It might not be a bad idea to go to counseling together, but you definitely need to get Jane some therapy.
Some think it would help if you also kept her accountable. She is a legal adult, and Redditors think you should treat her like one. Open the lines of communication and work to respect each other. Don't treat her like a child and maybe she'll stop acting like one.
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