This Is What It Is Like To Be Pregnant & On the Autism Spectrum

I was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome in 2014 at the age of 22. One year later, I was pregnant with my first baby.

Immediately after realizing I was pregnant, my frantic search for forums with mothers on the spectrum began. Unfortunately, there were none. All my search results led me to the causes of autism, how autistics behave, and some information that wasn’t thrilling. I was in acute need of a place where I could connect with mothers with my condition. A place I could share my experiences, and nobody would look at me as if I were out of place.

Just like a neurotypical person, pregnancy and childbirth can freak you out.

As a first-time mom, I had a predetermined mind on delivery. Many horrible experiences that surrounded childbirth were all over, and I already had fear and anxiety. Keep in mind, these thoughts are typical of "ordinary" people.

“How would things turn out?” I was always in a quagmire. I had not interacted with any mother with a condition like mine. Maybe my "normal" friends would have to help with what I didn’t understand. Being a first-time mom made everything even more confusing.

My first trimester was admittedly hellish.

I contemplated having an abortion. Not once, twice, or thrice. Every time I would wake up with this crazy morning sickness, I always thought that terminating the pregnancy would save me the trouble. After all, it was an unplanned pregnancy.

However, being on the spectrum is not an indication of zero motherly instincts. I would revert and think about this innocent soul that was growing inside of me. I would pat myself and assure myself I was going to hack it regardless. And that's exactly what I did, but not without others telling me I shouldn't have.

Around week 10 of the pregnancy, I was very sick.

I had to go to the hospital. Since the doctors and nurses had never handled an autistic pregnant female right away, they proposed that terminating it would be the best option.

“Why would you want to terminate my baby without my consent?” I kept asking them for the whole week I was in the hospital. Apparently, after going through my records and seeing I was autistic, they thought I wouldn’t be the best mother to my baby. It did not feel nice.

I was very keen on any medication they administered. But, with the medics’ intentions, I couldn’t trust anyone. So I had to ask to be discharged despite not being OK. All I needed was peace of mind.

I don't and won't blame them, though.

With little knowledge about neurodiverse individuals, most people assume we are mad, insane, or not in the right mind. The truth is, we are perfectly normal, functioning beings, only that we process information differently. As a result, our view of life is slightly different, and that makes us unique.

The rest of my pregnancy was smooth — no significant hurdles. Everything was almost similar to my friends’ who had previously given birth. What I once thought would bring me down was becoming very manageable.

Toward the end of my journey, I even booked the best maternity shoot. I wanted my pregnancy to be an exciting moment — a period I would look back in my life and admire. And of course, I’m still in love with my bump photos six years later.

Being a neurotypical mom is demanding. So when it comes to being an autistic mom, it's all about taking one step at a time.

You are most likely to be concerned about your baby being autistic, too. But trust me, autism is unpredictable before a child is born. Just do what is right.

I remember there were times when I was so concerned about my son having autism. Google would freak me out. There were all sorts of advice; always take acetomenophen, have coffee on your hourly menu, always breathe fresh air, and all kinds of things. All of it was frankly, ridiculous. I lived my everyday life and had a "normal" baby.

So to the autistic woman who may want to be a om someday, it is never that serious. You will not experience anything that pregnant women have never experienced. The emotional baggage will be huge, but trust me, everything is manageable. Being on the spectrum does not translate to being a careless mom. You will be the best parent to your baby, simply because you two were literally made for eachother.