As with many parenting decisions, it can be almost impossible to nail down the perfect age to give your child that first smartphone. While some kids have been carrying around a phone since kindergarten, others will be teenagers when they get their hands on an iPhone — and there are no wrong answers here. But if you're thinking about letting your kid have a smartphone for the first time, there are a few things to think about first as you navigate this new phase in their (and your) life.
There are a lot of topics that come up when phones enter the chat: Internet safety, social media, and screen time limits are just a few of them, even for kids who have been using tablets since they were toddlers. And of course, we all worry about spending too much time on phones — for both our kids, and for us.
You're about to be a hero for giving them what will likely be the kid's new favorite possession … but it's not a bad idea to set some ground rules and expectations first.
The Right Age
When it comes down to it, deciding what age is the right one for your kid to get his first smartphone is totally up to you, because you're the one who knows your kid best. Factors you'll want to take into consideration, via the Child Mind Institute: How technology savvy your child is, how he handles money and the belongings he already has, and how well he handles screen time limits that might already exist at home.
What Features Should They Use?
Before buying your child's smartphone, take her age and maturity into consideration as you choose the right one for her. If she's young and you aren't comfortable giving her full access to everything the internet has to offer, you'll want to look into parental controls that different phone services and apps can provide.
Set Expectations of Privacy
It's a good idea to monitor your child's phone usage, especially at first — and to start out with everyone on the same page about it. That doesn't mean you're spying on your teenagers, though, and this is going to look different for everyone. Maybe you just need to know his passcode, with the expectation that you can look at his phone at any time (even if you never do). Or maybe, for younger kids, you want to have veto power over social media posts as they learn to navigate the internet.
"Don’t be sneaky — say it straightforwardly and unapologetically," parenting expert Lucy Hemmen told Real Simple. "You also have to be willing to limit her use or shut it down if needed."
Begin with Boundaries
Before you hand the phone over, it's also important to set the rules that you want in place — and the consequences for breaking them. When is he allowed to use the phone? Is there a time limit each day that he can't go over? Are certain apps off limits? Do certain conditions need to be met before he can use the phone after school, like finishing homework or chores?
Keep an Eye Out for Cyberbullying
Though it's totally possible for your kids to experience bullying without a smartphone, according to the Cyberbullying Research Center, 1 in 4 teens has experienced cyberbullying — and of course, having a smartphone can't help. Look out for signs that your child is being bullied online, like nervous behavior while using the phone, feelings of depression or anxiety, suddenly not wanting to go to school, or becomes secretive about what's going on in the phone.
Have an Open Conversation About Internet Safety
Kids who have grown up using the internet may have had internet safety rules drilled into their heads for what feels like forever, but never assume that anything is common sense once you hand that smartphone over. It's a great time to have a refresher on what is or isn't safe on the internet, especially when it comes to sharing personal information.
Educate Yourself on Social Media
Even if you're not into social media, there's a good chance your kid is — and once he has access to those apps, you'll want to understand what they are, how they work, and how their privacy settings are used. Familiarize yourself with platforms like Instagram, Snapchat, Reddit, TikTok, Facebook, Twitter … the list goes on and on.
Discuss Digital Footprints
Regardless of what delete or unsend buttons might actually exist, teach your kids that anything they post on the internet (or send in a text message) is forever — and even though they're still young, it could potentially affect them as adults someday, or even when they apply to college in the not-so-distant future. This can be a tough concept to grasp, but Google is forever.
Consider a Phone Schedule
If you're worried your child may love his smartphone a little too much, it may be a good idea to start off with a schedule so he knows when he can and can't use his phone. Maybe he can have it for a couple of hours after school, but have to hand it in before bedtime. Or maybe it's free reign all weekend long, but school nights have different rules. Whatever you decide, stick to it.
Keep Lines of Communication Open
Being able to have frequent, open dialogue with your kids is a great idea for a lot of reasons, but it'll come in especially handy once they're using their own smartphones. If something goes wrong, or if they're in an uncomfortable situation online, they'll be all the more likely to talk to you about it.
Talk About Text Messages
Now that your child has a smartphone, she also has access to texting or iMessaging … and that can be a big step in itself. Have a conversation about how she should use her new superpower, including topics like only texting people she knows in real life, remembering that anything she says isn't necessarily private, and that serious or emotional conversations are always better in person, not in a text.
Set Up the Phone Together
When you first give the phone to your child, make a point to set it up together. Help him select the right settings (especially when it comes to privacy) and pick a strong password that you have saved somewhere. You may want to turn off his location sharing options for safety purposes, and you may want to take this opportunity to talk about which contacts should be in his phone and which apps he can download.
Talk About Money
Aside from the actual cost on the phone, there are ways that your child can cost you while using it, like buying games and apps that aren't free and by going over data limits. Let her know what the limits are, and what the consequences of not keeping within them are, too.
Check in Often
Kids are sneaky, so you'll want to make sure that your rules are being followed when you can. With his knowledge, sit down with his phone every so often and make sure everything is up to snuff without digging into his privacy — the password is the same, there are no forbidden apps, and that nothing jumps out at you as dangerous. This doesn't mean reading every text, just making sure he's holding up his end of the deal.
Remember: It's Easier to Wait Than To Take Back
It's easy to hand over the smartphone, but it's not quite as easy to take it back if you realize your child isn't ready after she's had it for a while. Be absolutely sure you want to give the child a phone before you hand it over — and know there's nothing wrong with waiting a little longer if you aren't.
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