One of the hardest parts of parenting is wondering whether you’re doing it right. After all, we’re raising human beings who will one day enter the world and interact with other people based on the trauma they may or may not have experienced in our homes. It’s important work, and good parents want to do it right.
Doing right by your kids is easier said than done, though. Little humans are complex, challenging creatures who have a special knack for pushing us right to the edge. When one mother found herself at this point, she wondered if she took things too far and asked the people of the internet for advice.
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This toddler had a complete meltdown when she didn’t like her prize.
A mom who goes by @fakeplasticturnips on Reddit recently wrote about her daughter’s extreme gift disappointment.
“My 4 year old daughter got 5 stickers on her rewards chart so she got a small prize,” she explained. “She was so excited to receive this prize but when I gave it to her she exploded with disappointment and rage. She hit me, told me I was a yucky mum, said she didn’t like me anymore, spat at me and screamed in my face between sobs.”
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Naturally, the mom was triggered.
The OP at the receiving end of this outrage said she felt “utterly overwhelmed, nerves jangled, annoyed, angry even.” She tried to tell her daughter that it’s fine if she didn’t like her prize, but every time she did, it escalated her daughter’s bad behavior.
To make matters worse, all of this happened as the OP was getting ready for work. “It got to me so much I walked away from her and carried on getting ready. I felt myself shutting down to her,” she wrote in her post. “I was over it. Done. Stop screaming is all I wanted to scream myself.”
Eventually, the girl calmed down.
Later, the girl found her mother and clung to her. “By that point, I didn’t want her on me so I left the house,” the OP wrote. But she felt guilty about it. “I cried at work and felt really rattled all morning,” she shared.
At the end of the day, the two spoke. The child apologized.
“I’m still holding that feeling like I need some space from her,” the OP admitted. “She is a super clinger to me and always has been. Can someone help me make sense of this?”
The community offered this mom plenty of grace.
“Sounds like you guys did a good job talking it through after she calmed down, and good job validating her disappointment,” one Redditor wrote in response. “But you don’t need to leave room for aggression, it’s okay to draw a line there.”
Another commenter assured her that her reaction to her toddler’s meltdown was entirely reasonable and could even serve as a healthy lesson for her daughter. “It’s ok to be upset,” the person shared. “I don’t want to be around people who spit on me. That should be explained to your child too. It took my kid a long time [to] realize that his actions have consequences.
“I love him, but if he chooses to hit me, it’s going to make me not want to be around him,” the person added. “This is an important lesson! This is how humans learn because we are social. Even your mom isn’t going to accept spitting.”
Others gave advice on what the mom can do next time.
Another person suggested that the mom leave sooner to keep the behavior from escalating and further triggering her. “My advice is to leave sooner,” the person wrote. “Tell her, ’It’s okay to be disappointed but it’s not okay to hit. I’m going to go to the living room and we can talk once you’ve calmed down.’ Or just ask her, ‘ Do you need to be alone for a bit or do you need a hug?’”
Some even questioned the rewards chart.
“I’m not a big fan of sticker charts for a prize and would probably stop there,” another commenter offered. “It feels like kids are always disappointed because parents talk up the prize, using the prize to encourage them, and then they expect something really big at the end because it keeps being repeated.”
Ultimately, people shared that this behavior is within the realm of normal for this age range and that this mom is doing a good job navigating it. One person wrote this encouraging comment: “Good luck, Mama. This stuff is hard.”
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
