When I was growing up, my mom made what we thought was a bizarre suggestion. She said that her dream was that instead of having family members scattered across various parts of the country and world, she wished that we had a large plot of land and each family could have their own home on the land. So the task of visiting with one another wasn’t so laborious and infrequent.
As young adults in our late teens and early 20s, the idea seemed ridiculous. But now, in my 30s, with a child and parents that live in another state, it all makes sense. Community is important at every stage in our lives. And while attitudes about staying in the place where you were born have changed, many of us are finding that “sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name," especially once you're in the depths of parenthood.
The Honest Mom sips a coffee while chaos breaks out in the background.
One millennial mother captured this sentiment perfectly in a video that has recently gone viral. In the video, Libby Ward, who goes by Diary of an Honest Mom on social media, stands drinking a cup of coffee, her hair in a messy bun. In the background, we hear sounds of fighting, screams and objects breaking. It’s mayhem.
The text on the video reads: “The cool part about raising kids in the gentle parenting/cycle breaking generation is also that we’re doing it in the ‘no village’ generation. So it’s extra fun.”
The Honest Mom breaks down the true meaning of the text in the caption.
There’s obviously sarcasm there. But in case that wasn’t clear, the social media mom breaks it down in the caption.
“And by fun, I mean exhausting. And by cool I mean nearly impossible,” she writes. “Just learn how to manage your own emotions because you were never taught to while simultaneously trying to teach emotional regulation to humans who can’t quite do it yet, while trying to figure out all the things you need to do without a village.”
'These kids matter so much … which is why it is JUST SO HARD.'
In addition to lacking the village, the Honest Mom acknowledges the parents who are dealing with mental health issues and family trauma. She continues, “These kids matter so much, which is why we care so much, which is why it is JUST SO HARD.”
The Honest Mom says her goal is to raise children who don’t have to recover from their childhoods. Thankfully, she shared that she does have a small village and she’s very grateful for them. But when they are not able to show up as often, she's noticed a “dip in her ability to parent how I want.”
The Honest Mom reminds mothers: 'Progress not perfection.'
She concludes the message with a word of encouragement: “Just know that if you are struggling, it’s not because there is something wrong with you. It’s because what you are trying to do and the context you’re trying to do it in IS HARD. Not having supper makes everything more complicated so go easy on yourself. You can’t do it all everyday. Progress, not perfection.”
Her followers definitely appreciated the message.
Most of the mothers in Libby's comment section were thankful for the message and could most certainly relate. “I’m crying,” one user wrote. “I’ve never felt so seen as a Mumma than I do by this exact post. It’s soooo dang hard. Please God help me. So so so lonely.”
Another user spoke to the difficulties of the work many millennial moms are taking on. “We’re out here carrying the weight of our own emotional trauma while trying to carry the development of our kids emotional identities in ways we could only wish we had, with zero help every day and then people wonder why we ourselves are so empty.”
It is a lot! We all deserve some grace.
