In CafeMom’s monthly series, Work It, Mama, powerful moms detail how they navigate their professions and home life.
From what work we should do and how we parent to how to practice self-care, we all make decisions that we think will make us happy. We've all regretted decisions and felt like we're stuck in a loop or afraid to take a chance. Mom of two Stella Grizont is on a mission to help you work happier and live better.
She is an author, executive coach, and positive psychology expert who founded The Work Happiness Method, a coaching program that equips individuals with the skills to manage their minds and moods, clarify their goals, set healthy boundaries, embrace uncertainty, and refocus when off track.
From a family of Ukrainian Jewish refugees, Stella was the first in her family to attend college. Her entrepreneurial spirit began young, helping in her grandparents' shoe repair shop and her parents' optical store. Stella lives in New Jersey with her husband, daughter, and son, and when she's not running her program, she enjoys hiking, salsa dancing, and spending time with loved ones.
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What led her to create the Work Happiness Method?
Stella's book The Work Happiness Method details eight essential skills for career happiness and fulfillment, providing step-by-step, evidence-based techniques and the latest research on happiness and leadership development.
CafeMom spoke with her to learn more about her journey and how she was inspired to write her book.
Stella describes her journey as a saga. It started with her own misery at work. For nearly a decade, she chased happiness and whatever she thought being "successful" meant. Yet, despite achieving everything she set her mind to, she found herself feeling empty, burned out, and crying in the bathroom. She regularly appealed to higher forces. "Please, there's got to be more to life than this!" she would beg.
She hopped from corporate America to the startup world to finally running her own business.
"With each transition, I found someone to blame for my discontent. It was either the clients weren't creative enough, the culture wasn't cutting edge, or the leadership wasn't aligned. Until finally, one day, in a Nutella coma, in a fetal position on the floor of my NYC studio, I realized: What if it wasn't them? What if it's been me all along?" Stella tells us. "As I recovered from my own journey, I began to coach others to realize their power. We all have more control than we think."
Over the past 17 years, Stella has coached more than 1,800 individuals in 30-plus countries and reached over 100,000 people through her keynotes and workshops. She has spoken for major organizations such as Amazon, Google, Dow Jones, Citibank, and Johnson & Johnson. Her approach has been featured on MSNBC, The Today Show, and Vanity Fair, and Time magazine named her a leading happiness expert.
"After coaching thousands of people, in over 30 countries, for over 18 years … and witnessing their transformation, I wanted to make the tools in my work available to more people — so I put everything in a book!" Stella shares.
Stella's has five essential strategies to balance work and motherhood responsibilities.
We asked Stella to share her personal strategies for tackling the demands of a successful career and parenting.
1. She Gets Lots of Help
Stella says she gets lots of help because she knows she can't do this on her own.
"We weren't designed to do this as nuclear families. It takes a village. Early on in my business, I invested in a nanny. Initially, my entire salary went to paying for childcare. It wasn't easy," she says. "My husband was just starting off in his career also. I bet on myself. Eventually, we left our lovely home in California to be closer to my family in New Jersey for additional support."
2. She Prioritizes Quality Over Quantity Time With Her Kids
When she's with her kids, she makes sure to give them her deep presence. They also have bedtime routines with built-in connection time and cuddles. Once Stella's son was born, her daughter was craving more attention. She started going on a monthly date with her daughter for some one-on-one time.
3. She Divides and Conquers With Her Husband
Stella and her husband have worked hard on dividing and conquering kid and home duties. It took many difficult conversations (over years) to finally arrive at a place where it feels pretty fair for both of them.
"As our careers grow, [my husband and I] continue to invest in support to help us prioritize quality time with the kids. It's not perfect at all, but it's working," Stella says.
4. She Sets Healthy Boundaries
She has learned to set healthy boundaries with her schedule to optimize her energy. She does not want her family or clients to get her energy scraps.
5. She Does Not Believe in Overscheduling Her Kids
Stella does not overschedule her kids because that overschedules her – and it doesn't seem to work for any of them. Her daughter doesn't like having something every day. At one point Stella felt pressure to sign her up for more things, but she had to prioritize her family's sanity.
"The No. 1 strategy for me being the parent and the professional I want to be is to have a clear vision of what success means to me. It's my unique vision – not my mom's, my friends', or society's. That vision describes the quality of my beingness versus the things I'm achieving. … If you're clear on who you want to be, decisions are easier and you can feel at ease knowing that you're on track," Stella tells CafeMom.
She shared an exercise she often uses with her clients when they begin working together. It's free to download on her website.
Stella shares how she overcomes both daily and big life challenges.
We can all relate to Stella's daily challenge of managing child care and housework. Cleaning up after dinner or just getting dinner ready — when you're tired, doing that every day — it's hard. Add sick days or no school, and it gets tricky. Unfortunately, we live in a society where children and working parents aren't prioritized. The pandemic showed us that.
"As a family, we choose to invest more in child care and housekeeping support rather than lavish vacations or luxury items. That's a conscious choice that stems from our values around well-being," Stella shares. "We feel lucky that we've created the means to have this choice. It's just brutal for a lot of working parents and that sucks."
Stella's Biggest Expense: Child care
Stella shared that child care continues to be one of her biggest expenses because it's the most important thing.
"I love my work and I love to work, so I don't want to give it up. Nannies, day care, and after care at school … these have enabled me to work. I wish I had a better answer about how I've done it," she tells us. "My parents still work so they can help out on the weekends when they can. I'll carpool occasionally with other families when it comes to activities."
Non-Everyday Challenges
Stella also spoke about non-everyday challenges. She gave an example of when she had to get an oophorectomy because she had the BRCA1 mutation. She went into surgical menopause while continuing to breastfeed her 1-year-old.
"For big moments of uncertainty, I apply the play mindset reframes I mention in the book. I face each microsecond at a time — and surrender to the idea that I might be pleasantly surprised even if it's freaking hard right now," she explains.
Her energizing self-care routine keeps her strong.
After a busy day of work and taking care of kids, most of us want to zone out on the couch and binge-watch Bridgerton. Although that sounds like a soothing activity, that won't actually give us the energy we need. For Stella, self-care represents activities that help fortify and energize her.
"Self-care activities for me include a workout a few times a week — Pilates or weightlifting. Going for walks in nature. Seeing friends. Acupuncture. Cranial sacral. Chiropractic work. I'll choose spending on massages over handbags any day. Moments alone. Breathing. Prayer. Eating quality food. Drinking enough water. Gardening when I have time," Stella tells CafeMom.
Stella's looking for more spaciousness, sleep, and play in the future.
We asked Stella how she envisions her work-life flow evolving in the future for her career and family. For several years, she's been writing a book and raising a toddler, so she's looking for more spaciousness, sleep, and play. Stella's excited and loves her coaching business.
"I love my coaching clients, I love speaking, I love creating. I'm excited to see what unfolds and how I may be of the best service. I'd love to collaborate with more people and organizations because it's more fun (and impactful) to do things together!" Stella tells us.
She's also hoping to have more fun with her husband, Ilya. They've carved out a few date nights a month, but it's hard while raising little kids. Now that their youngest is 3, she can see them turning a corner. They've put their house up for sale with the hope of getting into a place with more nature.
"My wish is for my kids to continue to be true to themselves, revel in the human experience and our beautiful world, and never forget how loved they are. And it would be nice to travel more and enjoy nature together," shares Stella.
