Whether we want them to or not, kids play favorites. It just kind of happens. Often it’s circumstantial. Kids usually become closest to the parent they spend the most time with. It’s natural and perfectly OK to have those feelings, but things can get tricky when feelings get hurt because of the relationships. If it ends up playing out on social media, it can be an absolute disaster.
Take a man and his teenage son, for example. The original poster went to Reddit’s AITA forum for some advice after one such issue came up in his household. He and his wife are both in their mid-30s and have a 14-year-old son. OP has been a stay-at-home dad for his son’s entire life while his wife manages a busy career. Generally, the family works well this way.
OP recently allowed his son to take an adventure with a family friend, and things went awry. The son posted on social media thanking the friend, but he also took the opportunity to disparage his mom. OP’s wife is furious and wants her son to delete the post, but OP said he won’t make his son take it down, and now he’s asking Reddit if he’s in the wrong.
OP's son is a good kid.
OP explained that he and his son are close, but his wife is more “hands-off.” Her career is demanding, so he has taken on more of the intense parenting role and is the primary disciplinarian.
“He’s a good boy: he gets great grades and is well behaved. He’s maybe a little spoiled, but aren’t they all?” he wrote. “My point is, I have rarely had to step in and deliver any real punishments thanks to open and consistent dialogue between the two of us.”
The father and son duo have a great family friend.
OP’s long-time friend, who is basically a second father figure to his son, is in a popular band. His son has always looked up to this “friend” and thinks he’s a really cool guy. The friend shares the young man’s love of music, and the two have a lot to talk about. The friend recently went on tour, and OP’s son decided he wanted to tag along.
“After pressing for details, he came to me later and asked if he could go with them on his fall break. He had plenty of promises at the ready — that he would listen to whatever the friend said, that he would be on his best behavior, that he would never ask for anything ever again. After talking it out with him, I gave him a ‘maybe,'” OP said.
The friend agreed, so all OP had to do was clear it with his wife.
OP's wife was not on board.
Initially, OP told his wife about the proposed trip and things were a go after a brief conversation. But she flipped the script once their son was packed and ready to go.
“Fast forward to the beginning of last week when he got packed up and set to leave. My wife asked where he was going, I reminded her, and she said she thought I was joking.” he explained. “I had no idea what part of it sounded like a joke, but she claimed my son wasn’t allowed to go. I eventually persuaded her after our child went to his room in near tears.”
The kid had a fabulous time on the tour.
Not surprisingly, OP’s son had a fantastic time hanging out with the band. He got to be hands-on with the roadies setting up for shows. He even got to go into some bars and intentionally left the X on his hand to show his dad.
The kid was in heaven and thanked their friend for the experience on social media. That’s when things got sticky.
OP's son probably didn't intend to hurt his mom.
OP’s son went to social media to share pics of his experience. He shared a bunch of shots and some captions that probably weren’t intended to be hurtful, but they were.
“A few hours later, my son made a social media post compiling photos from his time on tour. The caption was a long one but included such gems as ‘this almost didn’t happen, thanks mom.’ And, ‘Friend spent a lot of his free time with me (unlike my mom.),'” OP explained.
Yikes.
Mom wants the post taken down.
OP’s wife’s feelings are hurt. Those words probably stung, and she wants her son to take the post down. OP said no, that their son was expressing some feelings and he didn’t want to suppress them.
“This led to a pretty big argument where my wife, upon being alerted to the post’s existence, demanded he take it down. He refused, so she turned to me and asked me to talk to him. I refused,” he shared. “I told her that while I didn’t think what he was doing was right, it was clearly coming from somewhere. And that somewhere was a place in which he was feeling unheard and ignored by her. She’s been ignoring me since.”
So, is he in the wrong?
Redditors feel like OP might be trying to be a cool dad.
There isn’t much discussion of discipline or what might be happening on this tour, and the Reddit community had questions.
“I also don’t believe half of this story. First of all, ‘decently popular local’ rock bands don’t go on tour. They play once a month at the local dive bar,” one person pointed out. “There’s also a reason that 14 year olds aren’t allowed in bars, and most reasonable bar owners/managers would question a performer that thought it was OK to bring them along with them to [a] gig. It’s a stupid thing to try to do that could get the bar in trouble and get your band not invited back. Not to mention that the way this guy talks about his wife is unbelievable.”
Some felt like this might be the dynamic in the parenting relationship.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if you always play ‘cool friend’ to your son and force your wife to always be the ‘bad cop,'” someone else wrote.
Another person agreed and pointed out his son’s age, writing, “OP is trying to be a ‘cool dad.’ 14 is way too young for this. Of course a kid wants to go, but OP doesn’t know what he was exposed to. There is a reason sex, drugs and rock n roll is a cliché.”
Why isn't OP standing up for his wife?
Sure, he may be a more hands-on parent, but his wife supports their family and deserves respect for that. Some think this makes OP the jerk.
“You and your wife are a team. You don’t get to be a cool dad at the expense of your wife who is working hard to support your family,” another person commented.
“YTA. She did let him go. She financially supports both of you,” another person pointed out.
One person suggested that the family make some changes.
“If she is working this much to keep you financially stable, then you need to come up with things you can do to allow her to cut back. But first and foremost, you need to get your wife and son together, and let your son speak openly and honestly about this,” one person suggested. “For that, you’re probably going to need a counselor or therapist.”
This family needs some help.
Most Redditors agreed there are some issues but that social media is not the place to discuss them.
“You also need to teach him a lesson about social media,” one person warned. “What if he vents about friends this way? Teachers? A boss? Social media is the real world. It’s not your diary.”
“Yes, this is a teaching moment kind of situation,” someone else agreed. “About how in healthy relationships, you talk to people, not make snarky passive aggressive comments on social media.”
OP needs to get this situation under control.
Sorry, OP, but the Reddit community thinks you are in the wrong. It would be best if you stopped trying to be your son’s buddy and focus on being your wife’s partner.
One reader offered some great advice.
“One of the most important things my father taught me is that a disagreement within family does not make it outside the family. Not through social media, not through trash talking, no way. It’s fine if you support your son’s opinion in this, but it is unacceptable to bash his mom on fb and as a parent I would never allow this,” the person commented.
“The right thing to do is to have a serious talk with your son, tell him that it’s perfectly fine to be upset with his mom, but to immediately take the post down, this is disrespectful and not how you get over disagreements,” the person continued. “The fact that you’re not seeing it and standing up for your wife is kinda concerning.”
It appears OP took readers’ comments to heart. In an update he shared that he and his son had a talk and the son let him know that he had already fixed the post. OP noted that he gave his son other suggestions for venting emotions and that they’d be having a family meeting soon to talk about therapy to work on his son’s relationship with his mom.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
