There is no question that motherhood changes a person, but once we have a child in our lives, we can't go back. For some moms, that is the greatest thing in the world, and they wouldn't have it any other way, but for others, motherhood isn't a dream come true. Sometimes, women don't even want children but find themselves pressured by a partner or society to have a family, and they end up very unhappy.
One woman posted about her motherhood woes in a What To Expect forum recently and made some pretty big revelations. She blames her husband for convincing her to have a baby, but now she has big regrets and wants her old life back.
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She never wanted to have kids.
The original poster explained that kids were never part of her plan, but she was convinced to have a baby, and now she is unhappy.
"I never wanted kids but after I met my husband, he wanted them and I let him and society in general talk me into it. Guess who's life changed and who's didn't? I miss my old life, I get so bored at home looking after a baby all day," she wrote.
"I've never been one to play with kids," she continued. "People say 'Just do what you used to do before you had kids, but do it with them', but I can't, I enjoyed a lot of solitary activities like reading, gardening, hiking, also travelling and camping with my husband, and although technically you can do those with kids, it's much more difficult and not the same experience."
OP also wants her body back.
In addition to the lifestyle changes, she has physically changed and is unhappy. She feels like she can't even work out because of her daughter and doesn't get enough sleep either. Motherhood is proving to be a miserable experience for her instead of a joyous one. OP needed to hear that other moms feel the same way.
"I just need to vent, and am wondering if anyone else feels the same? I don't have PP depression, I just miss my old life. Does it get better once kids get older and more independent, or does it come with a new set of problems and worries?" she questioned.
She isn't alone.
It's not surprising that many moms have felt the same pains as OP and were quick to tell her that.
Like this person who wrote, "your feelings are valid. I went through all of that after i had my first. I wish we waited before we had her due to a lot of things that snowballed after having her, but I love our 2 babies to bits and I'm trying to convince my dh for a 3rd!"
"A lot of women feel the way you do. It's very normal and common. In comparison, I've wanted to be a mom my WHOLE entire life. Literally all I have ever dreamed of," another comment reads. "And I am struggling. I don't regret having kids, but I think about everything you just mentioned everyday, multiple times a day. It's even harder bc I feel like I've let myself down, because I'm living my dream, yet I think 'this is it?'"
Some suggested OP take some time for herself.
Whether it was to go back to work or to get back to a hobby, many believe that OP needs to prioritize herself.
"Is it possible for you to work?? i truly believe working isn't just about making money – it's important to have time to oneself and to feel productive," someone commented. "I know I would be way more down if I was home all the time. (or volunteer, etc- just get some time to yourself) otherwise just hear to say a lot of people feel this way and I've heard the feeling fluctuates with time – I think it's perfectly normal to miss your old life and I'm sure as you guys figure things out it may feel more natural to you!"
"I'm bouncing off the others who suggested going back to work; it helped me tremendously. I totally understand your feelings, I struggled so hard on maternity leave, for me it was 4 months," another person wrote. "I give SAHMs so much credit because I could not do it. I feel working helps me feel a bit of my 'old life.' I would 100% recommend that or volunteering, anything that gets you away for a bit!"
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Most moms agree that being a mom is hard.
We often hear that motherhood is rewarding, but sometimes, it just doesn't feel like it. We can become overwhelmed with the day-to-day struggles, and it is hard to see the big picture.
One person reminded OP not to be too hard on herself, writing, "I just want to say hugs! Being a mom is so hard especially while you watch your life change so much while everyone else's around you stays the same."
