When it comes to clichés about married life, it's way too easy to list the ones that have to do with sex: Married sex is boring. All husbands want to have more sex. All wives are too tired to put out. Men love sex and women. But, c’mon now — it is 2023 and it's time to get real that there are plenty of women who really love sex.
Not only do they love sex, but they are really tired of dealing with assumptions people make about sex and sexuality. We talked to 20 sex positive moms about what they wish their husbands would stop making. Although their names are anonymous, their comments are super real, so read on for some thought-provoking reflections and rants. Let’s talk about sex, baby!
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Kid Frustration
“I wish my husband would stop assuming that he’s the only who gets frustrated by the way that having kids has changed our sex life. Yes, we have less sex now because we have a house full of young kids. And, YES, I miss it just as much as he does, even if he doesn’t seem to get that.”
Three's a Crowd
“My husband really needs to stop assuming that because we had a threesome once, that we’ll do it again anytime soon! I love sex and I don’t regret having a threesome but life is too complicated right now to figure out how to make it happen again.”
No Magic Fixes
“Sex is great and it is a big part of our relationship but my husband needs to stop assuming that it solves all our problems. An orgasm is delightful but I can still be annoyed about how much money he spends on golf, you know?”
Satisfied
“I identify as a sex-positive bisexual but I’m happily (and monogamously) married to a man. He’s great but I do think he sometimes assumes that I’m not 100% satisfied with our sex life because I’m not having sex with women, too. But I really am happy!”
Stop Grabbing!
“Here’s a thing I want my husband to get through his head: Yes, I love sex. Yes, I’m happy to have sex almost every day. But that doesn’t mean I want him to grab my boobs 47 times a day. I’m just trying to wash the dishes, damn.”
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Baby Weight
“I think my husband thinks I would be even more into sex if I lost the baby weight. Wrong! I’m just as into sex now as I ever was. My weight and my sexual desire are both high!”
All the Way There
“I like sex. I love sex, really, and we have sex three to four times per week. My husband assumes that I have an orgasm every time and he is wrong about that. Sometimes it’s fun but doesn’t get me all the way there.”
Hurry Up
“You know what I think he assumes that I wish he’d stop? That longer is always better. Sometimes I’m tired and a quickie is more what I’m up for. I can like sex and still want to get to sleep.”
Hard Pass
“Here’s a thing. You can be sex positive and like sex a lot but not like EVERY kind of sex. I wish my husband would not assume that I’d be into anal if I just gave it a try. Hard pass.”
Size Doesn't Matter
“Maybe all guys think this? But my husband sometimes seems to assume that I’d like sex even more if he had a larger penis. He is average size and that is totally fine. I don’t wish for a bigger one.”
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Top Five
“He assumes that because we have a great sex life and because I initiate sex a lot, then he must be the best at sex I’ve ever had. He’s great. But he’s like No. 4 on the top five list.”
Not a Daily Thing
“I do love sex! But I can love it and not want to do it every single day. He doesn’t get that. He assumes that if I love it, I want to do it more. But I’m good with our current amount of once a week or so.”
Porn Fan
“He weirdly assumes that I never look at porn. Dude, I love sex and I have a smartphone. Of course I look at porn! Some of my best moves come from porn! It feels a bit sexist, honestly, that he doesn’t think I look at it.”
Ebb & Flow
“Sex is fun (and I do love it with my husband) but he assumes that my level of interest is always the same. It definitely ebbs and flows, depending on so many life factors, including sleep and my cycle. I don't think it works that way for him.”
Mushy Stuff
“I think he thinks that because I’m basically always horny, that I don’t need to be romanced or seduced sometimes. I want the mushy stuff too! Take me on a date every now and again. Buy some flowers. Let's have a picnic. Whatever. Just seduce me!”
Replaceable
“Well, my soon-to-be ex-husband assumed I’d be unwilling to give up our sex life and so would never leave him. He didn’t realize he could get replaced so easily with a good vibrator.”
Still Want It
"I'm about 47 months pregnant (not really, but I am huge) and I wish he'd stop assuming that I don't want sex anymore. It is a bit more of a logistical challenge now, but I'm still horny!"
ED Isn't a Deal-Breaker
"I love sex. LOVE IT. But my husband is going through some ED issues due to his depression medication and I know he worries or like assumes that I'm mad at him or that it is a deal-breaker that we aren't having much sex right now. I said for better or worse, and sex isn't as important as his mental health."
Reward for Good Behavior
"My husband makes these dumba– jokes about how I put out when he does chores or stuff around the house. It bugs me. I'm having sex because I want to, not as some sort of reward for his good behavior."
Mix It Up
"I want him to stop assuming that this is as good as it gets! We have a banging sex life (ha, pun!) but I feel like there are still lots of things we haven't tried yet. I want us to mix it up more."
