Your best friend is supposed to be on your side through everything: job opportunities, family emergencies, and especially breakups. But what if the one friend you love the most is the exact person who broke your heart? That's the problem that one woman finds herself in, after her best friend ended up secretly dating her ex and now she's pregnant. To make things worse, the couple just got engaged and the woman's friend asked if she'd be the maid of honor — but it's all just too much too soon. "I just can’t help being hurt," she confessed.
The woman explained that the two most important people caused her heartbreak: her best friend and her on-and-off again ex.
In a post on Reddit, she shared that she and her best friend (we'll call her BFF) have been inseparable since elementary school. The two have gone through all of their major life milestones together. "She is literally my sister. We have done pretty much everything together, same college, same dorm, roommates, confidants … you name it," she wrote. "I love her so much."
And then there is her college boyfriend (we'll call him Ex). "I love him as well but we just could never make things work," she admitted. They "had one of those hot mess relationships which are a combination of torture and bliss," and have been on-and-off with each other in the almost 10 years it's been since they first met.
"I always loved him so much that I hoped we’d mature and be able to make things work," she wrote. The two kept in touch even after he moved to a different city after school ended and would often "send flirty texts and even went on vacation twice." But both of them have dated other people in the meantime.
But the problem started when BFF moved to a new city, close to where Ex lives. She suggested that the two meet up so that BFF could get to know new people ....
About a year ago, BFF was having a hard time meeting people in her new city. So the woman kindly gave her friend Ex's number. "I told her since she knew [Ex] so well, she should call him and see if he can introduce her to his group of friends," she explained.
But then … those nice and flirty texts between Ex and the woman stopped "out of the blue" about three months later. And BFF seemed very eager to speak with the her when she made a trip back home.
BFF told her that the trip was to specifically see her, but when she finally got to her house, "she just seemed a little off." First BFF broke the news that she was pregnant. And then she revealed who the baby's father was.
"I about died when she said the baby is [Ex’s]," she wrote. "She apologized and said she was so sorry, they had just hit it off and they didn’t mean to do anything to hurt me and they even tried breaking up for my sake but they just realized there was too much of an attraction and they started dating."
Then BFF hit her with another bomb — she and Ex are getting married and would the she mind being her maid of honor?
Needless to say, this woman was completely conflicted.
Despite not meaning to, the woman shared that she "completely lost it" and explained that she was coming from a place of sadness, not anger. "I told her that I loved her but I just couldn’t be around her right now and no way I could even go to their wedding let alone be in the wedding party," she wrote. "She said she was sorry about a million times as she was leaving and she texted me quite a bit … I just couldn’t do it. I literally cried all weekend."
Trying to be a bigger person, the woman says that she realizes that BFF and Ex are actually an amazing match, but that doesn't help the pain she's feeling. "They make a perfect couple. Perfect … They are both gorgeous and smart and great with kids," she wrote. "I just can’t help being hurt. Am I the asshole for not wanting to be her maid of honor?"
Well, many people felt for her and told her that she wasn't really to blame for not being up for her friend's wedding bliss.
One person wrote that she shouldn't put herself through the pain of watching the couple get married.
And someone else wrote that BFF is "not a good friend to you."
It's hard to argue that BFF didn't know the repercussions of going after her best friend's ex.
And someone else said it's completely normal to feel blown away by three big changes at once.
"What did she expect you to say?" they argued.
But some people felt like no one was in the wrong for this.
Things happen sometimes, right?
One person even felt that although the couple "kinda sucks" she shouldn't be so ready to chuck them in the trash just yet.
But some people did blame her and not the love birds.
"You don't get to reserve people like a jet ski," one person wrote.
Later in the thread, the woman wrote that what hurts the most about this whole thing is that "the door with Ex is closed forever."
"It’s gone, as dumb and as unrealistic as my hope for us being together … now it’s really gone," she continued. "He’ll never text me a little wink emoji implying what will happen next time we see each other (be it two weeks or two years). He’ll never ask me to go to Hawaii with him because he got a nice bonus and we’ll never want to rip each other’s hair out because we get so frustrated with each other," she added.
"It was 90/10 bad to good but it was something if that makes sense. I could have a miserable Tinder date with a total drip and I could laugh along and say no problem … Ex is there. I could even text him while on dates and he’d make me laugh and almost be a Cyrano in reverse," she explained.
"All of that is done. Forever. That’s what I’m MOST Sad about. I’m sad about a lot, but that’s what gets me most," she wrote.
But in the end, she admitted again that they "are good for each other there’s no doubt … it’s just I'm here which makes it hurt."
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