A woman and her wife are desperate to have a baby, but would they be willing to give another couple a child to get their own? That's what they're wondering after they went to one wife's brother looking for a sperm donation and he told them he would only give up the goods if they would also give him and his wife a baby as well. "We said that was his right to change his mind, but he was asking too much from us," the Redditor wrote.
At first, the original poster (OP) and her spouse considered adoption.
The OP's wife did point out that they could have biological kids — if they could convince her wife's brother to donate some of his sperm.
"They look a lot alike, and they're really close, and this is the closest we could possibly get to having a child that's biologically both of ours," she explained in her post on Reddit.
They were in luck. Her brother-in-law said he was willing to donate "and can't wait to be an uncle."
There was a problem, however. Since they first discussed it, the OP's BIL and his wife found out that they can't have biological children of their own.
Now he wants to renegotiate the terms of their agreement.
He wants her to help them have three kids. Take into consideration that the OP and her wife want two kids.
"Biologically, all five kids will be full siblings, but raised as cousins," she added.
Unfortunately, neither her wife nor her sister-in-law can have kids.
Neither are able to produce viable eggs or carry to term "so some form of IVF/surrogacy wouldn't be possible involving either of them."
That means the OP is "basically the only chance at biological children for any of us."
In addition, her BIL and his wife can't afford to pay for a surrogate, so it's really all on her to produce the eggs and carry the babies.
To the OP, this is NOT a fair trade.
They know that it's a huge favor he'd be doing them. "The thing is the amount of time he'd spend creating five babies is about an hour or so, and the amount of time I'd spend is nearly four years (without recovery time)," wrote the OP.
She was fine when all she had to do was two rounds of pregnancy to have her own kids, "but the idea of carrying those two plus three additional pregnancies where I didn't keep the babies is a whole other thing."
So they told her BIL no.
That means that he wasn't going to go through with things on his end.
"We said that was his right to change his mind, but he was asking too much from us."
"Now no one is having biological children."
The OP wrote that she and her wife will be happy to adopt, but that's not really something her BIL and his wife want to consider.
He wasn't afraid to play dirty, either.
In fact, he told his mother about their decision, who in turn told the whole extended family.
"It appears that just about everyone in my wife's family believes that we should agree to it and 'return the favor,'" she explained. "So basically if he gives us children then I should do the same for him, and by the time I'm done everyone has their desired number of biological babies."
He's still applying pressure on the Original Poster to say yes.
He's even gone as far as calling the OP a "hypocrite" for not seeing the two acts as equal.
"Like I said at the start, my wife and I believe we're in the right, but we want to hear if we actually are or not and what the other perspective might be in order to know how to proceed."
This was not an equal trade, people in the comments agreed.
"Three babies in exchange for one jackoff session?!?" one incredulous commenter wrote. "He's nuts. The family is nuts. Go adopt a baby and congrats to you and your wife."
"They can't afford a surrogate, so they're blackmailing OP to be one for free," a second person added.
"There’s nothing saying that OP can even carry five babies to term," someone else pointed out. "What happens if she gets pregnant once or twice and then isn’t able to carry another? Is there going to be a fight and custody battle? You can’t just say yup, totally going to have five babies with absolute certainty."
The OP agreed with those comments, which is why they're going back to plan A: adoption.
In an update, she wrote that she even tried to negotiate down the number of kids her BIL and his wife would like to have, but they wouldn't budge.
"They want them all to be full siblings because they're worried if I gave them one child with the brother's sperm and they adopted the rest then they'd subconsciously prefer the one who was related to the brother," she explained.
But TBH, this isn't the OP's problem.
"We are going back to adoption, which was our plan before the brother was even suggested."
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