The division of domestic labor can be a pretty contentious topic for couples. Even for couples who try to divide parenting responsibilities and chores pretty evenly, it doesn’t always work out that way in practice — and moms are tired. One mom recently took to Reddit to vent about a situation involving her husband. They have two young children 1 and 2 years old. Though they’ve had conversations about how to divide labor based on their availability and skill sets, the mom still found herself frustrated when her husband couldn’t supervise their kids for just 30 minutes while she cooked dinner.
She works from home and watches the kids for most of the day.
Based on her post, it sounds like the mom takes on the bulk of the parenting duties. She did clarify that when she and her husband are both at home, “the care is very evenly split,” with both of them spending time with their kiddos and taking breaks too. But during the week, the mom works from home part time.
Because she works afternoons, she spends the whole morning taking care of the kiddos. Balancing parenting and her part-time job in the afternoon is more of a challenge, and she and her husband are “actively working on a different solution.” For now, though, she’s looking after the children all day while their dad is at work.
When he gets home from work, the mom starts making dinner right away.
The mom noted that she usually finishes working at 5:30 p.m., which is the same time her husband gets home. Instead of getting any sort of break, she immediately starts making dinner. She noted that she does all the cooking because she hates doing laundry, and she and her husband agreed that he will do all the laundry.
Though she doesn’t mind this arrangement, she has one fairly simple request for her husband: Watch the kids and keep them out of the kitchen for 20 to 30 minutes while she cooks. Sounds simple and fair, right? Apparently not.
Her husband usually asks for help caring for the kids while she’s cooking.
In the time that the mom spends cooking dinner for the family, her husband often asks her for help with the kids. “It’s always a struggle for him, and I know he’s tired after working all day too, but I really need to be able keep them out so they’re safe and I can get it done,” she wrote in her post.
One night in particular, her husband’s request was particularly irritating. While she was “in the middle of cooking, hands dirty, stove and oven on,” her husband asked her to “help change one of the kids while he held the other cause he was being fussy.” (Ugh.)
Understandably, the mom seemed pretty frustrated in that moment.
So when her husband asked for help, she said no. Of course, parenting can be challenging. But the mom already manages to look after the kids all day, every day, without help from her partner. Besides, she just needed 20 minutes away from the kids, and it wasn’t even so she could get a break or enjoy some time to herself. It was to make dinner for her family.
But her husband was really bothered by her saying no. “He got really upset at this saying that’s not fair cause I am home now and I can stop for 5 minutes to help,” she explained. “I finally caved and helped but I feel like it’s not that much to ask for 20-30 minutes to cook.”
Redditors agreed that the mom is not asking for much.
They were exasperated on the mom’s behalf and said the dad “should be embarrassed” about his “weaponized incompetence.”
In debates about child care duties, many have argued that dads cannot babysit their own children. They’re simply parenting, just like moms are. But one Redditor said a babysitter would probably do a better job in that situation than this dad did. (Ouch.)
“These issues are all things that teenage babysitters manage to navigate, I think a 34 year old can figure it out so your kids aren’t underfoot while you’re trying to cook the whole family dinner,” the commenter wrote.
Many asserted that this dad clearly needs to do better. “Those are his kids, too,” one person wrote. “It sucks to parent two tiny kids simultaneously by yourself. Sometimes parenting sucks, and he needs to be a full parent, not a helper.”
And yeah, this dad is probably tired after working all day. But surely the mom is tired after working and caring for her children all day too?
“I totally understand your husband wanting a little break after work, but when is your break? You’re working all day too, watching the kids AND working,” someone else wrote. “You manage all day with both kids without any help from him, he can manage for 20-30 minutes.”
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
