Even casual viewers of Counting On know that when the ladies of the Duggar family begin courting, their dad, Jim Bob, has a heavy hand in deciding who his daughters will spend the rest of their lives with — and one of the first steps in that process is filling out a lengthy questionnaire. Over the years, some of the husbands have spoken out about it, sharing that they've sent back pages upon pages of detailed answers, hoping they're the right ones.
Though Jim Bob's actual questionnaire has never surfaced, one that might be it, or at least inspired it, appeared in 2014 on the Free Jinger message boards, giving us a peek into what the men hoping to date his daughters have to fill out. Though many of the questions are just what someone might want to know before agreeing to marry another person, others are actually really invasive — and some of them are downright sexist and problematic (to say the least).
Read on for the strangest, most controversial questions that might exist on Jim Bob's courtship questionnaire. Hopefully, the actual list will leak one day, but if this one isn't it, we're guessing it's pretty darn close.
Asking For & Taking Advice
A lot of the questions on the list are about willingness to ask for advice and where that advice would come from — almost as if Jim Bob is trying to gauge how moldable his future sons-in-law might be.
"Would you ask my opinion or my advice before making decisions — especially big ones?" reads one of the questions.
Dedication to Religion
Of course, it's no surprise that religion would be involved in so many of these questions, but one of them gets particularly serious, asking if his daughter's potential suitor would be willing to die for Jesus.
"Would you be willing to die for Christ? If you're not dying daily, how can you be so sure you would then?" the question read.
Medical History
Several questions also ask about the potential boyfriend's family medical history. It's important to know this kind of information when thinking about having children — but would it make Jim Bob reject a suitor, looking for only the strongest possible genetics for his future grandchildren? That could get a little dicey for sure.
Not to mention that this would normally be a conversation between the two people who are dating, not a boyfriend and his girlfriend's dad.
Moral Standards
There's also a "moral standards" category on the questionnaire, and it gets into some pretty personal (and bizarre) stuff. For example, apparently someone's thoughts on "public swimming" has to do with their morals. There's also a question about whether the person has seen PG movies.
Yes, Pants Are Involved
Modesty is also a big part of the questionnaire, and as we know, the Duggars have differing views on whether women wearing pants is "modest" or not. Amid questions asking about their definition of modesty is one that reads, "Are pants ever acceptable?"
Also questionable? This one: "How will you approach your wife or daughters if they are immodest?"
Hopefully, very carefully.
An Interesting Approach to Communication
In the section about communication, many of the questions are based on teasing in a marriage, and one of them in particular is a little stranger than the rest. "Can you tell me no or will you let me walk all over you?" the question read.
We don't even know where to begin with this one.
"Lewdly Dressed Women"
On 19 Kids & Counting, we know that the older girls in the family would say "Nike" if they saw a woman who was dressed improperly, alerting the younger boys to avert their eyes. And yes, there's a question on the list about how this situation would be handled in a marriage.
"Would you describe for me what you think is wrong or what bothers you about a lewdly dressed woman?" the question asks.
Intel on Siblings
Because much of the questionnaire is focused on family, of course, there are questions about siblings. But they get really specific, practically asking for their drivers license numbers.
"How many siblings do you have? What are their names, ages, cities of residence?" reads one question. "Can you describe your relationship with each of your siblings?"
A Woman's Role
Several questions are also dedicated to what the person answering the questionnaire believes a woman's role is in a marriage — and to most of us, these kinds of questions are definitely going to sound seriously outdated.
"What is your attitude toward women? What is their purpose?" reads one, while another asks, "What are your views on women working outside the home?"
Child "Training"
The Duggars certainly haven't tried to hide their controversial views on child rearing, and this questionnaire includes them as well. Multiple questions on the list involve spanking, corporal punishment, and "child training," without much emphasis on the loving aspect of being a parent.
On Vacation
One of the most baffling questions: "How do you think your spouse should spend vacations?"
Something tells us this is meant to suss out whether a man believes that his wife should continue to cook, clean, and care for the children without help while on vacation while her husband rests — and honestly, we can't figure out if this is something Jim Bob would applaud or not.
A Trick Question
There's a lot of talk about priorities on this list, with one of the questions making it clear that a wife comes before your parents and religion comes before all else, and then there's this question:
"If full-time ministry is in the picture for our future, and you had to choose between the church or our family being the top priority which would you choose?"
We're not actually sure how Jim Bob would want someone to answer this one either.
The Worth of a Woman
As you might have guessed, a lot of questions on this list relate to women, and few of them are more problematic than this one: "On a scale of one to 10 how would you rate the worth of a woman?"
To any men who may have to answer this question in the future, the answer is 10. To Jim Bob, take this question off your list!
Friends of Different Religions
Several questions also deal with how the suitor would approach their children having friends or family members who aren't a part of the same religion as they are. It sounds as if it's definitely a priority to avoid exposing children to different beliefs if possible.
"What type of relationship should your children have with non-Baptist classmates/friends?" reads one question, while another asks, "If there are members of my family that are not Baptist, what type of relationship do you want to have with them?"
All Things Birth
Considering that these questions are geared toward men, it's interesting that several of them have to do with things that are (or should be) out of their control. Three questions in a row ask if they have a gender preference for their kids, a home birth or a hospital birth preference, and a nursing or bottle feeding preference.
Uh, how about we first ask the person who would actually give birth in the hospital or at home?
