For most of us, figuring out how to parent involves both taking things we liked that our parents did and changing things that we want to do differently. But for the Duggar family, it’s a whole new ballgame. Through the years, 19 Kids and Counting parents Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar have remained just about as open as two people can be about their parenting decisions, and they’ve been criticized for their most controversial choices — many that their own children have decided not to repeat now that they’re parents themselves.
Though Jill Duggar is obviously the member of the family who has strayed the furthest from her parents’ methods, we’ve seen all of the Duggar moms on Counting On make changes, both big and small, as they navigate parenthood as adults. Case in point, blanket training — we haven’t heard that phrase in years!
Read on for all the rules that the Duggar daughters have decided to break now that they’re parenting their own children. Something tells us their kids might thank them for these changes someday.
Public School
Jill and Derick Dillard are the first in the family to send their children to public school — Jill and all of her siblings were homeschooled (and so far, Josh and Anna Duggar’s children have been, too). But when Jill’s son Israel finally reached the age when he’d start kindergarten, she surprised everyone by enrolling him in public school.
Watching TV
Though most TV was off-limits for the Duggar kids growing up, that seems to be something that many of them have changed with their own kids. We’ve frequently seen Jill and Derick’s children watching TV on a laptop, and Joy-Anna Duggar has even shared nights when she’s invited her siblings over to watch shows.
Wearing Pants
The Duggar daughters were beholden to a strict dress code as kids — no pants or shorts, even when doing sports or swimming. But that doesn’t seem to have carried over in their parenting style. Even Anna is allowing her daughters to wear pants and shorts (how cute does Maryella look in her jeans?).
More Involved Fathers
From what we can tell, Jim Bob wasn’t a very involved father — if there were diapers to be changed and wake-ups at night, it seemed to fall solely on Michelle. These days, that’s not the case. The Duggar fathers have been known to take on a lot more of the parenting responsibility with their own kids.
Moms Are Working
Michelle never worked — her job was to be a mother at home with her kids. And though none of the Duggar moms today have traditional jobs, they’re earning money for their families, whether it’s through writing books and hosting podcasts, like Jinger, or promoting products on Instagram.
Reading More Progressive Books
The kinds of books that Jill reads her kids usually cause a bit of a stir — and we have a feeling they’re nothing like the ones she had on her bookshelf growing up. No topic seems off-limits for her and Derick to address with their sons — they even shared a book they bought about what their kids should do if they find inappropriate photos online.
No Buddy Teams
Michelle was open about using the “buddy system” as a mom — assigning teams of younger kids to the older ones to look out for. In fact, Anna has even explicitly said that she doesn’t use this approach with her children because it’s her job to be the parent, and their job to be kids.
They Have Smaller Families
As far as we can tell, there’s a good chance that none of the Duggar offspring will end up with 19 children of their own. Though Anna has seven kids and Kendra Duggar welcomed her third baby at age 22 in 2021, on average, they all seem to be going at a much slower pace than Michelle did, and Jill has even admitted to using birth control.
Less Media Attention
While Jim Bob and Michelle obviously signed on for so many TV specials and even multiple reality shows, many of the younger Duggars aren’t following in their footsteps. In fact, some, like Jinger and Jeremy Vuolo, have been actively reducing their children’s appearances on social media, giving them a lot more privacy than Jinger had as a kid.
No Blanket Training
Though Michelle was proud to use blanket training to keep her children in line, that doesn’t seem to be a parenting technique her own children have continued to use. We see the grandkids being disciplined in a totally different way — usually with a lot less of “obedience” being preached as a virtue.
Close Relationships
With 19 kids, it’s just about impossible to foster deep, meaningful relationships with every single one of them 100% of the time. But because Michelle’s kids have fewer children of their own, it’s easy to see how that means that they’re closer with their little ones than she was able to be with hers — and based on their social media posts, we can clearly see that these moms know everything about their kids’ personalities, likes, and dislikes.
Birthday Celebrations
We’ve witnessed many a Duggar celebrate a birthday over the years, and that usually includes lunch or dinner and a dessert called a Chocolate Mess from a local restaurant. But these days, birthday celebrations seem to be much more personalized for the Duggar grandkids. For example, Israel got to celebrate his sixth birthday with all his favorite things, courtesy of mom Jill.
Modern Medicine
The Duggars have always been in favor of home births and going med-free, but that seems to be changing with this new generation. Now, Duggar moms are opting for hospital births more than anything else (even Jessa, who once opted for home birth herself), and many of them have even chosen to break the mold and get epidurals, too.
Setting a Different Example
Though most of Michelle’s daughters still have a good relationship with their mom, many of them have grown up to set a different example for their kids. Whether they’re showing how to cut off a toxic family situation like Jill did, move across the country and start a new life like Jinger did, or learn how to flip houses and work hard like Joy did, the Duggar kids are different role models for their kids.
Expectations for Their Daughters
In one of her famous YouTube videos, Jill made it clear that she didn’t want to raise any daughters she might have to be dependent on men the way she was raised. Instead, she wants them to be able to stand on their own — and she’d even encourage them if they wanted to go to college.
Encouraging Independence
In that same YouTube video, Jill and Derick even said that they’d want to encourage their children to be as independent as possible, instead of wanting them to rely on their parents for everything. Because Duggar kids usually live at home until they get married, this is a new approach, and one we think Israel and Samuel might really appreciate.
Setting Clear Boundaries
It obviously hasn’t been easy for Jill and Derick to do things their own way, but they’re raising their kids without seeing her parents much — we know that has to be hard on Jill. But she’s made it clear that the relationship there is toxic, so good for her for protecting her children.
