Through both her Shiny Happy People docuseries and the recent release of her memoir, Counting the Cost, Jill Duggar has been opening up more and more about what it was like growing up under dad Jim Bob's thumb and how he's treated her as an adult. Although her parents are (obviously) famous for having 19 children, Jill has never felt that it was in the cards for her to have a family quite that big, and in a new interview, she revealed how her dad reacted when he found out she may not be able to have a large family due to fertility issues.
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Jill felt she was being 'punished' for not wanting a big family of her own.
While chatting with Dr. Julie Hanks on the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast, Jill admitted that she felt "pressure" to have as many kids as her parents did, thanks to the teachings of the oppressive religion she grew up in, the Institute in Basic Life Principles.
"In the book, I talk about the shift of going from feeling that pressure, being OK with having a lot of children, in that belief system that I grew up in, to then having the shift of being like, do I trust in God with the number of children that I'm supposed to have, could also mean trusting Him if he doesn't give us 20 kids," she said. "Am I being punished for my lack of desire of having 20 kids? All those mind games that you play."
Then it seemed that her family planning would be at least partially out of her hands.
As Jill wrote about in her book, her traumatic delivery with her older son, Israel, followed by suffering a uterine rupture when giving birth to her second child, Samuel. At the time, Jill doubted whether it would be safe or even possible for her to have more children, and that led her to seek the help of a fertility specialist.
Jill said when she told her dad about her fertility issues, he seemed to want to 'control' her.
On the podcast, Jill said she told Jim Bob that she didn't think she'd be able to have more kids, but he didn't seem willing to accept it.
"My Dad pipes up. 'We don't really know do we now?' He's trying to control the situation," Jill said.
Jill's husband, Derick, who was also a guest on the podcast, said, "It was frustrating to me in that moment. This idea still that he was a gatekeeper for our information. We don't know that yet.
"Let's be careful what we say to other people," he continued. "To whatever extent we want to share with people, we're going to share with people."
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Jill and Derick said those who have fewer children are seen as less than.
"Another toxic aspect of this culture. There's also a sense of hierarchy that you're less than if you have less kids," Derick said. "But even your parents have said: 'Whoever has the most kids gets the house.'"
Jill conceded that they were "half-joking" when they said that, but that still means they were half-serious.
Today, Jill is a mom of three.
Her youngest son, Freddy, joined the family last year, and although she may or may not choose to have another child in the future, that's totally up to her.
Family planning decisions are very personal, so good for Jill for being able to stand up for herself, even if it may not be what her parents want to hear.
