TRIGGER WARNING: This post contains information about suicide, which may be triggering to some.
Connie Boss Alexander has been living every mother's worst nightmare since she learned that her son Stephen "tWitch" Boss had died. Now, for the first time since hearing that fateful news, Connie is opening up about how she's been handling her grief and what she hopes people will remember most about her son.
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She shared her story exclusively with People magazine.
Connie says at times it's hard to remember exactly how long her beloved firstborn has been gone because sometimes it feels like "it was just yesterday" and other times it feels like it's been "so long" since she's last seen him.
Stephen died by suicide in December 2022, stunning all who knew him and his fans from around the world.
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It's been six months, but Connie is still coming to terms with the loss.
The fact that Stephen's life ended at his own hands makes dealing with his death that much harder, according to Connie, who says she has to try and focus on other things when she thinks about it.
"When I think about him, I try not to dwell on how he left this earth," she explained. "This is not totally the end. That is where my peace comes from."
Stephen was just 40 when he died.
Heartbreakingly, Connie never got a chance to watch her son grow old, but she did get an opportunity to see him become an amazing father, which is something she takes comfort in.
"As an adult, I think he really was able to see and appreciate some of the challenges I had as a young parent," she continued. "And we talked about those things. I'm the classic boy mom, very protective. If we weren't talking every day, we were texting. He was my heart."
It sounds like Connie and Stephen were very close.
The bereaved mama can't help but wonder if she missed something along the way.
"You find yourself in a lot of introspection, a lot of looking back. Did I miss something? Did he mean something when he said this? It was just very, very shocking," she shared, noting that she doesn't know if or when she'll ever accept the way her son left the earth.
"At this point, I'm in realization, I guess," she continued. "When I wake up in the morning, it does hit me that, oh my God, he really is not physically here. But then in my head I can hear him say, 'Hey, Mom. I’m okay.'"
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There's just one thing Connie hopes people remember about her son.
When it comes to the memory the world carries of her son, she hopes that it will be one that is full of the love Stephen brought her and everyone else who knew him.
"Some days are better than others," she concluded. "It's funny when you look at your child as an adult. With certain mannerisms, I see the little baby and then a toddler, and I'm chasing him down the hallway, him looking back at me and laughing. And in high school, I see him crossing the stage and turning back and waving. I see it all now."
We can't imagine the pain Connie and the rest of the Boss family is enduring, but we hope that the memories of Stephen have been a blessing.
Note: If you or any of your loved ones are struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can always reach out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling 988. They are available 24/7 by phone or online chat.
