I consider myself a pretty open-minded person, especially when it comes to all things sexual. But I've also never been the type to gush about how "beautiful" a guy's, err, genitalia is. I think women who do that are kind of, well, lying. It's just … a penis, and if it's attached to a man you're extremely attracted to, then I guess it makes sense that you should find his manhood attractive as well, but it's never exactly GORGEOUS. Vera Wang bridal gowns are gorgeous. Helen Mirren is gorgeous. Penises are not.
HOWEVER … when faced with what non-human penises look like, I think my attitude on this subject may be changing. No, I'm not talking alien penises or Avatar-inspired Na'vi penises. I'm talking about animal penises. Those belonging to, say, turtles or ducks.
Something we don't think about, uh, ever — unless you're watching some of those PG-13-rated National Geographic programs that show various creatures humping mating. But have you ever seen an up-close-and-personal shot of their ding-dongs? I didn't think so. Well, now, you can! And I guarantee it will give you a new appreciation for your man's package.
Like, okay, here's a turtle penis. It's ENORMOUS and, as my editor noted, almost as big as the turtle itself. Who knew that these reptiles were packing so much under their shells. Warning: After viewing this penis that looks like a purple mushroom on steroids, you might be scarred for life.
Embedded content: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OuUwLr20qI
Or, how about a duck's junk — in slow motion?? Oh yes, someone WENT THERE and actually filmed the thing … and measured it! Now, I have never been one for horror films, and this is no different. I seriously think I'm going to have nightmares tonight. Watch Donald's quack-tastic penis uncoil below … if you dare.
Embedded content: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwjEeI2SmiU
The following animal — a spiny anteater called an echidna — is freaky in itself. Now, when a zoologist unintentionally arouses the animal, it gets a wild hard-on that looks like something out of science fiction. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that it has FOUR HEADS. Eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww.
Embedded content: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKZcf0KBo-U
And here are several other horrifying animal penises, if you must look. You know you want to!
Do these animal penises make you appreciate your man's more?
Image via YouTube
