To cuddle after sex — or to sleep, perchance to dream? That is the question researchers at the University of Michigan and Albright College in Pennsylvania asked. And they found out that when one partner falls asleep first, the lover who stays awake is left craving more bonding and affection.
Lead researcher Dan Kruger says, "The more one's partner was likely to fall asleep after sex, the stronger the desire for bonding." And it's not always the guys sawing logs right after sex and the women who want to cuddle — the research shows men are just as likely to crave post-woo-hoo cuddling as women. But is it cuddling we want — or satisfaction?
Right after reading about this study, I couldn't help thinking about comedian Louis CK's latest concert video where he talks about cuddling after sex. He says it's something women do when their lovers are lousy. They're left lying next to the man, thinking: Is that it?!? THERE HAS TO BE MORE!!! Hence the cuddling. As Louis puts it, "If you did it right, she'll leave you alone."
Maybe it's just because I've been married since the Triassic period, but I tend to agree with Louis. "Doing it right" is a form of intimacy. It takes a lot of communication and connection. You know, bonding-type stuff. And then you both get to rest. I'm all for the post-coital roll over and snooze routine. Why? I'll leave that to your imagination. Plus I'm married to a talker so I hear all about his feelings all day long.
But regardless, the study is food for thought. What do people really want when their partners fall asleep right after sex? Why is emotional bonding such an important part of sex for so many people, male and female? And in the movie When Harry Met Sally, is Sally right to be angry when Harry asks, "How long do I have to lie here and hold her before I can get up and go home?" The world may never know.
Are you a cuddler, or do you fall asleep right after sex?
Image via scarycurlgirl_photos/Flickr
