Ah, dating. Will we ever run out of stories about it? No matter how long you've been married or in a relationship, you always remember those wild and crazy days. And if you're still in them — God help you. Sure, there are some fun times. And when you first start dating someone you care about, it is one of the most euphoric and bonding experiences you'll ever have. But you've got to cut through a lot of chaff to get to the wheat. One of those ultra-annoying byproducts of dating is the stand-up — when someone just doesn't bother to show for a date, or cancels last minute, or even walks out in the middle. People can sure come up with some date cancellation doozies. Here are 18 bizarre dating no-show excuses as told by real men and women.
1. A few years ago I was stood up. He called the next morning to apologize for missing our date because he had gone on a cocaine binge. Then he said, "So you understand, right? That's a good excuse." Hmmmm … not really. I didn't doubt for a second that it was true!
2. My ex-boyfriend canceled a date with me to go to Animal Kingdom in Orlando. Ultimate low!!! To add insult to injury, he went with his business partner, a single mom from college, and I received no invite … just a cancellation.
3. He said he couldn't afford to buy a beer. We were supposed to meet at a dive bar and he called before to cancel saying, "I'm broke."
4. I was on a blind date in college, and we were at a coffeehouse. Dude said he wanted to leave/end the date early because there was a gay guy checking him out and gays made him nervous. So I left instead.
5. He said he had some crazy toe fungus that got so bad he could barely walk.
6. He told me he couldn't make the date and couldn't call me to tell me because he was mugged and his phone was robbed. But apparently the robber returned his phone the next week as he has the same number.
7. I once had a girl tell me she had a brain-dead aunt and the family was gathering to take her off life support.
8. "I can't come out tonight, I'm in the ER because I stabbed myself in the leg. Right. Yeah, with a steak knife. Maybe next week?"
9. There was the professional chef who, an hour before he was to show up, was afflicted with FOOD POISONING. Okay. It could happen, but would you admit that? Really?
10. I had a guy call me and tell me he didn't want to see me again because he couldn't believe the pants I wore. He said he would never wear pants like those. They were an innocuous pair of jeans with a pattern print on them.
11. A date once told me she couldn't make it because she had to drive over to a friend's house and rescue her from an abusive situation, moving her to a safe house. I was supportive and asked if they needed any help moving the woman's belongings, but she said they would be fine. We had never met and we never did end up meeting. If it was a ruse, it was certainly one that would be difficult to question.
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12. A girl once used the rain as an excuse. We were supposed to meet in front of Starbucks and it began to rain lightly and she called me. I said I was running a few minutes late but would be right there. She said she was going to leave because it was raining. I said, "Go in Starbucks. I'll be there any minute." She said no, she couldn't wait. It was raining!
13. One guy told me his friend was really sick and in the hospital and he had to go see him. I asked, "Which hospital?" and he was all, "Ahhhh … I, um … mmmmm …." Yeah, exactly, buddy.
14. I had a guy completely stand me up. The next morning he called me and said he had broken ribs by falling off a roof. There were several holes in the story, most notably that he managed to check his dating profile while he was supposedly in the hospital unable to call me because there was "no signal."
15. A psychiatrist cancelled a date because he had a suicidal patient. That was fine, so we rescheduled for a few days later. Apparently the person was still suicidal because he cancelled again, using the same excuse.
16. A girl told me she couldn't make it because she was at a barbecue with her friends. Guess she didn't want to leave.
17. One girl told me her cat was sick. I'm an animal lover so I said I understood. I called her later to ask how her cat was and it was quite obvious she was out at a bar.
18. "I'm on house arrest."
What's the weirdest excuse you've ever gotten for a cancelled date?
Image via Jinterwas/Flickr
