____In the age of Facebook, it’s easier than ever to find the one who got away. But why do we do it, and is it a good idea if you're happily married? The women we asked were strongly divided.
Here, they 'fess up to all their ex-related search habits–including whether their husbands know, and exactly what they've turned up in the course of feverish Googling.
Do you Google your exes? If so, is your spouse aware?
© iStock.com/CREATISTA
Oh, I Google EVERYONE.
“I Google/Facebook the hell out of everyone. People I’m dating, their exes, my exes … it’s really out of control, actually. I can’t resist having access to the info; it’s just too easy. I think it’s a way of staying connected long after I should be connected. [My ex’s ex-girlfriend] just wrote a piece about how the relationship was bad for her, and although I don’t know her, I found it and now I know what their relationship was like. Geez, that’s awful.” — Anna, 31, happily divorced and a mother of three
*Some names have been changed.
Yes. My exes helped make me who I am today.
“I totally Google my exes on occasion. I consider all of them important parts of my past — people who helped shape my life up until I met my husband. He’s Facebook friends with his ex, too. We’ve been together 17 years, married almost 15. If we were newlyweds, I doubt we’d be in this place, but there is nothing hidden, no jealousy now.” — Karen, 37, married with two kids
Googling him keeps me safe.
“My ex tried to choke me and threw me against a wall. So I Google to make sure he still lives 500 miles away.” — Laura, 31, married with one kid
No way. Nothing good can come of it.
“I’m a ‘never, nope, no way, no how, don’t wanna know.’ The earth should swallow exes upon breakup. Once I’m done, I’m just DONE. Maybe it’s who I dated, but this ‘Let’s be friends’ crap is NOT for me. It’s an emotional place I don’t want to go to. It’s self-preservation more than restraint. Nothing good can come of it.” — Ramona, 41, married with two kids
I don’t have to Google; I found something better!
“So, at one point in time, I had my ex-husband’s email password. It was after we divorced. I would periodically check his email to see what he was doing. I didn’t have to Google … I had what I needed right in front of me. The best part was this was how I found out he lost $6k to an Internet dating scheme. I was embarrassed for him but also thrilled that it wasn’t my problem anymore.” — Jessie, 37, remarried with one kid and one step-kid
My husband and I do it together.
“OMG, of course I have/do. My husband and I have also Googled his exes on Facebook. It’s not a secret or weird thing. I certainly don’t want to go back to any of them (GAAH, GAG), but I’m always curious.” — Sonia, 39, married with two kids and another on the way
Nope. I don’t really care what they’re doing.
“Happily married here, and it’s actually never occurred to me to Google my exes. One is Facebook friends with my husband, and I’ve looked at his page through my husband’s account a few times just out of curiosity. Once, I saw his wedding photos and saw how miserable he and his wife both looked at the ceremony and reception. I felt bad about feeling the zing of, ‘Ha! That’s what you get for being a lying cheater!’ and I haven't been back to his page since, and don't feel like I need to." — Erica, 32, married with two kids
I just want to make sure he’s OK.
“My ex blocked me on Facebook, so I have to resort to asking my mom what he’s up to, since they’re still friends. He was a big part of my life, and after such a bad breakup, I’m always relieved to see he’s doing well.” — Brianna, 39, remarried with two kids
I Google my ex-husband and think about what might have been.
“I Google certain exes. I’m still friends with some, or I just don't care about others, but some I just can’t seem to let go. My ex-husband ended up marrying his ex-girlfriend after we divorced. I was convinced she meant a lot more to him than he said, so I Google and Facebook stalk to get glimpses of their life, to see how mine compares, and to daydream about what our life might have been like had we been able to make things work. The Internet makes it too easy. I might still think about him from time to time, but without Google/Facebook, it would stop there.” — Amy, 32, remarried with two kids
There are some relationships I just don’t want to revisit.
“I don’t have many exes and I am publicly friends with a few, but I don’t try to find the others, honestly! It's probably because I’m embarrassed about the relationship, not that they were bad people/breakups. I have looked up my husband’s ex once or twice, but there was nothing to see. She’s on lockdown profile.” — Rebecca, 31, married with two kids
Looking up old flames is playing with fire.
“I say it’s not cheating but it IS tempting fate … unless you’re 100 percent in the friend zone, which most folks are not. I think that’s natural curiosity [to look people up]. Staying in contact is where I think things can get dicey.” — Carmen, 36, married with no kids
I Google my exes A LOT. Maybe too much.
"I search for exes an embarrassing amount. One is a cop, so I’m really just checking to make sure he’s okay, but mostly I just want to find pictures and judge. My only complicated feelings happen when I see they are doing well, and even though I’m 100 percent happy, I still have these bratty moments. The weird thing is, they are all guys I BROKE UP WITH. I delve all the time, and my husband would be appalled if he found out. I think if he knew he would be hurt, like, why can’t she let that part of life go? I find it’s like a sick fetish, like picking zits.” — Melanie, 33, married with one kid
I’ve never even considered it.
“I never Googled because I really do not care. But! I just searched for one, and the first result was a recent arrest report for ‘battery, domestic.’ So, I’m calling that a bullet dodged. I had terrible taste back then; I really want to have a Serious Talk with 2003 me.” — Suzie, 32, happily married to “the guy I dumped Scary Ex for”
