Many of us have a love-hate relationship with our vagina, because — well — she can be that friend, at times. But, in all of her temperamental moments (the ones that bring on dreadful yeast infections), it's important to know that she loves and supports us, and thus, it's important that we do the same for her. We found some dos and don'ts of keeping the ol' girl in top condition — because she is totally worth it.
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We do a lot of crazy things to our vaginas. We pull the hair from their skin (okay, that's the vulva), use cheap toilet paper, and buy all sorts of unwarranted products in an attempt to make her smell better. But if we truly have our vagina's best interest at heart, we need to know all the things she'd tell her owner if she weren't a bit of a mute. That's why we've put together this list of eight things we all NEED to do for her, and eight things we should probably NEVER, ever do (if we know what's good for ourselves). It turns out that there IS an owner's manual for this thing — and we've got the best tips and tricks.
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Read on to get the real 411 on the care and keeping of a vagina. Because a girl only gets one!
DON'T shame her.
Nope, not even a little bit. Don't body shame, don't refer to her as ugly (she's truly a unique masterpiece), and don't slut shame — just don't play the shame game. She's an extension of you, and you are beautiful. Everything from health to grooming, and then some, be proud just of everything she is.
DO give her a good workout!
Not sex per se, but kegels for sure. Gift her with a nice pair of ben-wa balls, or if you're into the more high tech stuff, try the Minna kGoal ($149, babeland.com) — the Fitbit for your vagina! Yep, it even tracks your progress. Nonetheless, it's time to start whipping her into shape (maybe even literally for some).
DON'T clean/dry her with cheap tissue.
There are many things that you can skimp on, but toilet tissue isn't one. So, please, lay the f**k off the one-ply tissue. I beg of you — on her behalf — nothing good comes from wiping your vagina with printer paper!
DO moisturize.
I think "don't force it" would be solid advice here. If sex is uncomfortable and gives a rug burn sensation, try a natural lube, like Pure Naked Lubricant ($23, pureromance.com).
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DON'T forget to pee after sex.
I totally understand how it can completely screw up the moment, just rolling out of bed (almost) immediately after sex. But I guarantee that it beats being a grown-ass woman, rolling out of bed, and crawling to the bathroom (while clinching your vagina) — trying ridiculously hard not to pee your pants throughout the entire night because of a urinary tract infection — which can be the result of not making that post-coital trip to the bathroom.
DO protect her -- at all costs!
Safe sex is the best sex — if for no other reason than the peace of mind that comes with knowing you've done all that you can to prevent sexually transmitted infections. If you want a more lady-friendly place to tuck your condoms away, try this pretty 'Just In Case' Condom Compact ($19, amazon.com).
DON'T ignore her.
If you notice discharge, odor, or anything off with your vagina, don't go into a state of panic or complete denial, avoiding the issue. Instead, make an appointment with your gyno or go to urgent care (if necessary).
DO set aside time to bond.
The best way to get to know what you enjoy is to actually explore sex — alone! There's a lot of pressure when you're with a partner, but releasing your inhibitions comes a bit easier when there's not an audience to watch. Don't know where to start? Well, when you become an adult, Toys 'R' Us turns into the likes of Babeland and Pure Romance — and both companies are great about giving you all the info you need. So with that said, you're certain to find something that works just for the two of you.
Or, hell, just gaze at her in the mirror and appreciate her from time to time.
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DON'T keep her buried in layers.
TAKE IT OFF! Personally, I use laundry week as an excuse to let my vagina live a little — and let her breathe easy. And if it's the scratchiness of certain materials you're concerned about, give the Commando Cotton Fleece Patch ($14 for 10 patches, gocommandos.com) a try.
DO have a sense of fashion!
While you definitely don't have to va-jazzle juicy on her, don't be afraid to be pro-fro or even try out a nice landing strip next time you get a wax — you know, instead of opting for one versus the other, every time. Change it up!
DON'T double dip.
This rule of thumb is a great one for your vagina — whether it's a penis, wash rag (which you shouldn't even be using), or tissue … don't! Always think front to back, but in short anything that was in/on your butt shouldn't be placed in/on your vagina without being sanitized.
DO set aside play time.
Don't forget to let her out for a good time. While toys are quite fun to play with sometimes, having someone to play along with you ups the ante.
DON'T douse her in scented sh*t.
Eck! Everything from scented douches and sprays to soaps and tissues can do damage to your vagina and her natural pH and basic happiness. So try to avoid them.
DO eat clean.
Diet matters to your vagina, just as it would for any other part of your body.
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DON'T self-diagnose
I'm definitely guilty of this, but that's why I can tell you that whatever you do … do NOT self-diagnose vagina's woes. If you suspect anything is off and can't wait, go to your doctor, a free clinic, and/or urgent care.
DO see her doctor.
Once a year, folks. That. Is. All. Make it happen! Because ignorance isn't always bliss.
