There is a major difference between wanting your spouse to be healthy and bullying them because of their weight. But what should you do if you feel like your husband not only thinks you're out of shape, but he gives you an insulting gift under the guise of caring about your health? This was exactly the reason one woman broke down in tears on her birthday when her husband gifted her a gym membership after years of making small digs about her body.
The woman shared that her husband has been "joking" about her body for all three years that they've been married.
Although her husband has always been active and the writer has "never been that athletic nor do I plan to be, ever," she explained that his digs about her body have recently gone too far. In a post on Reddit, the anonymous woman wrote that for the most part she's healthy. "I have never thought I was fat or have an unflattering figure. I'm 5 ft. 6 (inches) and fluctuate between 125-130 lbs," she explained. She even bikes to and from work, "but I also eat real food, not Goo or protein bars like my spouse."
The writer explained that she's never really appreciated the little "suggestions" that her husband's made to get her body into "better" shape.
The digs included telling his wife that she would look better with defined abs, making her go vegan for a month, and wearing an "I'm with fatty—->" T-shirt while on vacation.
But it all came to a head on the writer's birthday, when her husband bought her a gym membership and then was angry when she didn't like it.
The writer shared that her husband's nasty comments have been coming more frequently. "At first it was just like one off-handed comment like once a month. And it just kept getting more frequent and now he's making a fat joke like once or twice a week," she wrote.
That is why she was heartbroken to see the gift her bought for her birthday. "His gift to me was a couple's membership to Orange Theory (a type of exercise class … our neighborhood just got a new studio)," she explained. "When I saw the gift I teared up a little but not because I was happy."
And though, again, it was his wife's birthday and she was clearly insulted, the husband was ticked that his wife rejected his gift. "Now I feel really terrible and want to find a way to make it up to him," she wrote. Was she wrong for getting upset?
Other people wrote in and were LIVID at how this husband was treating his wife.
"He wore an 'I'm with fatty' shirt … that’s terrible," one person wrote in the comments.
To which someone else added, "For his next birthday you should get him a shirt that says 'I’m with no one.'”
"Yeah that is so awful," someone else commented. "[I]t would be awful to wear that shirt about anyone, but OP is quite at the low end of healthy BMI, so what the f— even? Fat shaming anyone is sh—y but it fundamentally doesn't even make sense here. Is this some eating disorder projection thing or what?"
"[Original Poster’s] spouse was not making jokes, but making mean, hurtful comments. Jokes are funny, this spouse is acting like a bully. The shirt was awful," a third person wrote. "OP please stick to your guns. Your feelings are valid. Your spouse knows they messed up and are trying to distract from that by 'getting upset.' That’s emotionally manipulative."
But some people blamed the wife and thought that she was letting herself be treated this way.
"It also sounds like you let it get too far by not communicating to him that he needs to STFU with his belittling comments," one person wrote. "You say he was surprised that you felt bad about his gift, which means you’ve let the other comments/rude gestures go without telling him that they were hurtful. Did you seriously let him walk around for more than 30 seconds with a shirt that said 'I’m with fatty?'"
And someone else thought her husband was trying to encourage her to exercise for her health's sake, because he was " losing attraction to you because of your physical state" or as an attempt to get her to embark on a fitness journey with him.
"I think the most important thing to note here, is that everyone is always preaching about how your significant other/spouse should always accept you for who you are," the person wrote. "That's a bunch of Disney nonsense. Any relationship should be a collaborative effort of mutual self improvement and compromise. Good luck finding any successful relationship in history that doesn't involve those things. The fitness thing might just be one of those things that he won't budge on."
"From his perspective he's probably annoyed that he puts so much effort into looking nice for you, and you're content with being skinny fat with love handles," another person wrote. "He's been giving you constant hints and has been trying to work with you, and he was even thoughtful enough to buy you a gym membership so you could change your situation. Stop being lazy/insensitive and make the change your marriage needs."
But let's be real: The OP's husband is being very insensitive, and there is no excuse for being cruel to someone you love.
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