There is nothing more stressful than when you have complications with your baby. Until baby comes home safe, it can be the only thing that's on your mind. That's how one mom describes it, but it turns out that her partner didn't feel that way. The new mom shared that she was incredibly hurt to learn a year after she had given birth that her husband had gone home and watched porn while she and their newborn were being treated at the hospital. "Am I being unreasonable to feel so angry about it?" she asked online.
Even though she had her baby a year ago, the mom wrote that she recently made a discovery about the time around her delivery that broke her heart.
The anonymous mom described the situation in a post on Mumsnet, where she wrote that because of complications she was stuck in the hospital for a week after she gave birth. "During that time my husband kindly stayed overnight in hospital with us sleeping on a chair and during the day would go home to shower/nap/eat etc.," she explained.
But months later, she made a hurtful find. "After looking through some pictures on his tablet many months later he had downloaded some porn on the days I had been stuck in hospital," she added. "Thinking of the hospital stay before I even discovered the porn has always made me feel low, but now discovering this makes me feel even worse. I understand it's a thing some people look at, but I find it rather insulting that was on his mind whilst we had a tiny little baby to worry about."
Now she's livid. "Whilst I had a really depressing tough time in hospital with my little one, he had been going home and evidently been having a good time," she continued. The mom wrote that she confronted her husband about his "alone time" and "he didn't really say much."
Is she wrong for feeling betrayed?
Some people thought it was NBD. Maybe dad needed a little stress release?
"If I were in hospital I would expect [Dear Husband] to be worried but not all consumed every waking hour for days on end — that’s not healthy," one person commented. "I would expect some time to be spent sleeping, eating, maybe reading and — yes — masturbating. Was he there for you when you needed to be? If so, then try and move on."
"It could have been a way to relieve stress and take his mind off things," another person wrote.
"Hmm… I can see why you think it's a bit grim. But I wouldn't be angry," a third commenter chimed in. "He was at home for a few hours. It would be unrealistic to think he just sat staring in to space thinking about you — he probably ate, showered, napped, made calls, watched TV, read a book and yes, had a wank. I think saying he was 'having a good time' is overstating it — it probably took five minutes."
Other moms agreed that they would also be furious.
"Funny. If [Dear Husband] were in hospital with kidney failure or chemotherapy or having ingrown toenail surgery, it wouldn’t occur to me to download porn and get my rocks off to underage boys," another person wrote. "It’s (expletive) what your DH did, [Original Poster]. Porn has ruined my marriage. Absolutely burnt it at the stake. And it all started off quite ‘reasonably’. You Are Not Being Unreasonable for feeling upset at all."
"Stress relief? FFS have some self respect," a second person wrote. "He did it because he wanted to watch porn and masturbate, that was what was important to him. I would be p—ed off too OP."
"I would be p—ed off too, and I’d be asking him why he thought it was ok," someone else responded. "It’s no wonder some men think it’s fine to do stuff like this when there are women basically saying ‘Give him a break, the poor guy! He couldn’t help looking at naked women, he was stressed and has NEEDS!’"
In the end, the mom added that perhaps she was so upset because there were other problems with her marriage.
In an update to her original post, the mom shared that "I think this confirms I have issues that I need to deal with. I'm not sure why it makes me feel angry so long after. I constantly feel low so think I need to talk to someone," she wrote.
"I guess our relationship isn't really that great anymore either. I rarely want sex so understand he's going to look elsewhere," she wrote. "I was looking for the pictures he had taken of our child he had in a folder on his tablet, I wasn't intentionally snooping for the poster saying I was going through his tablet …"
