We've all been the victim of some not-so-great hair decisions over the years. But unfortunately for one 12-year-old, her recent hair tragedy was particularly upsetting. It all started when her mom decided to use a chemical relaxer on her hair for the first time, and wound up causing chunks of the girl's hair to fall out. Understandably, the girl was left in tears — but when her dad took her to the salon to try and fix the damage, it was strangely mom who wound up furious.
The dad recently took to Reddit to explain the whole ordeal, sharing that his daughter had actually been begging to get her hair relaxed for a while.
His daughter, who he refers to as "Gem," has "tightly coiled hair" (otherwise known as Type 4B), but he was hesitant to let her get it relaxed.
"[She's] never had harsh chemicals in her hair before and it can be damaging if not done by a professional," he explained.
But his ex, who is white, didn't see the harm.
"Last weekend, my ex put a lye-based relaxer into our daughter’s hair," the dad explained. "My ex has no experience putting relaxers into hair, especially black hair. As a result, she screwed up and Gem's hair was damaged to the point it was falling out in clumps."
When it was dad's custody time, he tried to fix the situation by taking daughter to a professional salon to figure things out.
"Our beautician examined Gem’s hair and advised that it was best to cut it, so it will grow back properly," he recalled. "She promised that she would make Gem beautiful, and Gem agreed to the haircut."
When all was said and done, Gem was "happy and quite ecstatic about how her hair turned out," he shared.
The only problem? His ex FREAKED when she saw her daughter's new hairdo, telling the dad he had no right to cut Gem’s hair without her consent, and that her daughter now "looks like a boy."
This (obviously) didn't go over well.
"I fired back she had no right to yell at me because it was her stupidity as to why Gem’s hair needed to be cut in the first place," the dad continued, "and what made her think she knew enough about black hair to do a relaxer."
Words were exchanged, and long story short, the dad says his ex "called me an [expletive] for not at least telling her that I would be getting Gem’s haircut."
Now, he's wondering: Was he really in the wrong here?
On Reddit, there was a strong consensus that the dad had done his best to save a pretty horrific situation.
"What I don't understand is what the ex EXPECTED him to do," one commenter wrote. "She wanted him to just send her to school the way she dropped her off? With her hair falling out? She knew she [expletive] it up but she didn't want anyone to change it?"
"She made your daughter's hair fall out," another person added. "She has absolutely no room to talk. She is a hypocrite too because she didn't consult you before using the relaxer."
"Your ex didn't know what she was doing and your daughter consented to this haircut," another person chimed in. "She's 12 now, she's going to start getting more sensitive about her looks and it's important that she feels good about herself. It's also good that you're letting her damaged hair grow out naturally."
In a later comment, the dad did jump in to clarify that his ex "knows how to do black hair to a certain extent" — but she had no business trying to do a chemical relaxer.
Still, there were a few people who actually thought the mom AND dad were in the wrong ...
"Your ex should have told you before and you likewise about the haircut," one person commented. "But you saved your daughter's hair from probably being a fried/melted matted mess of badly done chemical straightening."
"You should come to a compromise with your daughter," another said. "Maybe get her a nice salon grade hair straightener."
A third person gave it to him straight:
"You're both arguing with each other about who did what and separately discussing this stuff with your daughter," a third person wrote. "Your daughter is 12. She is old enough to make decisions about her hair. You and her mother should focus on ensuring your daughter is taught how to care for her scalp, hair length, kitchen, and edges with as little heat and as few chemicals as possible … Stop arguing with her mom. Both of y'all start talking to your daughter and get her mom to a class or something, because there is no excuse for a mom of a mixed girl to mutilate her hair like that when the internet exists."
"Everyone Sucks Here," a third person said. "Because you didn't offer your daughter an alternative, such as allowing her to get her hair done by a professional for a special treat like her birthday, Christmas, etc., this happened."
"Children deserve a bit of bodily autonomy, too," the person reasoned. "It really doesn't matter what her reasons are. Have you never changed your style because there was a new trend or a comment made? Your ex sucks too, for obviously reasons. I hope ya'll didn't have that argument within earshot of her."
The dad later updated to say that he doesn't object to his daughter straightening her hair in general, he just doesn't want her to use chemicals yet.
"My thing right now as a father is teaching her how to love herself, especially since the only reason she wanted her hair straight in the first place is because one girl at her school called her hair nappy," he explained.
He also added that he only found out about Gem's hair after she sent him a Snapchat photo of it "and then called me crying, because her hair was already falling out when the relaxer was being washed out." It even caused her to miss school the next day, since she was mortified to show up with missing clumps of hair.
For now, though, it seems like Gem is happy with how her hair looks.
"Gem is getting a lot of compliments for her hair and has told me she likes how it fits her face," the dad shared.
And I think we can all agree that that's all that matters.
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