Being a nanny can be a very tenuous position. You spend so much time with a family and see them at their most vulnerable — but you aren't exactly part of the family, if you know what we mean. In fact, that line can be paper thin sometimes, and as one live-in nanny discovered, it can put you in quite the pickle if you don't navigate it carefully. A nanny on Reddit recently learned that the husband of the couple she works for has been visiting sex workers while on vacation, and she doesn't know if she is obligated to let his wife know the truth.
It all went down when the nanny went to check on some homework.
When she turned on the computer, she got more than she bargained for, she explained in a frantic post on Reddit.
"As soon as I turned it on the printer started spitting out papers," she wrote. "I grabbed the pages to see if I should save them or throw them away."
But it wasn't math homework she found.
One might say that Dad had been doing some homework of his own.
"They were screenshot print-offs from a forum where men were talking about the best places to find prostitutes on a certain island where the father will be taking a solo vacation in a few months," she wrote.
The father takes these solo vacations about twice a year.
He's always off to an exotic place far away from his home in the Midwest. His wife once explained to the nanny that her husband needs to travel alone because "her schedule isn’t as flexible as his, and she doesn’t require as much R&R as he does, and he likes the sea more than she does."
Righhhttttt.
They go on two big international trips as a family twice a year, and the couple does "occasionally hop off for a romantic getaway," she posted. "It’s nice to be rich I guess."
The Redditor swears that the mom has no idea what's going on.
"She is deeply religious, the daughter of missionaries, and he is an Elder in their church and teaches Sunday School," she wrote. Plus, she "is absolutely gorgeous and she takes pride in staying fit and maintaining her looks."
But despite appearances, this is really happening.
The wife would be "humiliated" to know that her husband was straying outside their marriage "and I know she would feel deeply betrayed."
That betrayal would be especially painful because her last husband cheated on her. She even told the nanny that she feels "blessed" to now be married to a man "of such excellent character."
On the one hand, the husband has been nothing but kind to her and is a great father. "They both treat me like family."
But that makes her wonder if she should intervene.
"I don’t want to be responsible for breaking up this seemingly perfect family," she explained. "I don’t want to hurt the boys I take care of. I love them."
Plus, this is a good job she's taken while she works her way through school. If she spills the beans there is a real chance she could lose her main source of income.
"Who wants a nanny who knows your deepest, most humiliating secrets?"
On the other hand, she doesn't think it's right to keep the dirty details from the wife.
"I don’t want the mother to end up with an STD either or worse," she explained. "And it’s not right for him to take advantage of her trust like this."
But it really "turns my stomach" to think that the husband is "leading a double life, pretending to be a pillar of the community while doing this on the sly."
"I just don’t know what to do," she begged. "Please help me."
Some people advised that the nanny should help the mom piece things together for herself.
"Mom was a very high-profile nanny for decades," one commenter wrote. "I decided to ask her. She said that in this position, she typically found small but incriminating items, and moved them slightly (if moving them was possible without incriminating herself) to give the wife the potential to find them herself."
"Yeah better to arrange for the wife to find out then be the one who outed him," a second person agreed. "HOWEVER, if SHE asks you point-blank then don't lie."
A third person agreed it was "a tricky situation to find oneself in. All I can say that if I were in the receiving end of a cheating partner I hope someone would, if not tell me, then at least not help them in hiding it."
Still, other people thought she should stay out of things completely.
"Don’t get mixed up in this," someone else chimed in. "Maybe she knows (you‘d be surprised) or maybe she suspects. Religious people have flaws, too, and after years of marriage, they probably know theirs. Or maybe she doesn’t know.
"This is not your family," the commenter continued. "These are your employers. Do not sit in judgement of their ethics or their marriage."
"Girl, listen to me: Please mind your business, be safe, and step away from their mess," a second person wrote. "Playing vigilante when you're not in position of power is not good. I know you've lots of advice here, but trust me on this: Don't poop where you eat."
"In my opinion, there are two circumstances where it's OK to not tell someone they are being cheated on if you don't want to: 1) They're your parents; 2) It impacts your employment," a third person commented. "How badly do you need this job? Consider that she may be so humiliated she fires the messenger."
The nanny might not have too many good options in the situation, but it appears the commenters have pointed out that interfering might cause more harm than good.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
