In a divorce that is particularly tumultuous, you expect to be able to count on your family. But what if your family goes against your wishes when it comes to boundaries you put in place with your ex? That's exactly what one mom is facing after she felt betrayed by her own mother.
The mom began by explaining she has primary custody of her 6-year-old son after she split with her ex-husband when her son was just a year old.
Though her ex-husband hasn't ever been overtly involved in their son's life, he sees him on alternating weekends, and recently started stirring up "trouble" after the mom's longtime boyfriend proposed.
"My boyfriend of 4 years proposed 3 months ago, and a month later we posted about it on social media to inform anyone who hadn't already been told," she explained.
"My ex contacted me privately saying he wanted to 'check him out' before he becomes our son's stepdad. They've met but it's always been a 10 second thing as he picks up/drops off our son, so my boyfriend said they could talk properly over skype. He decided to record before going on, and he was right to as my ex says in the recording that a kid needs bio parents, not step, and that my boyfriend should 'bow out' so my ex can step in and try and get back with me, and hinted that if he wouldn't do that he'd go for full custody. My boyfriend ended the call and showed me the recording."
The mom immediately consulted her lawyer, and was givien advice on what to say to her ex.
"I sent the template to my ex," she wrote. "It said that I knew what he'd said to my boyfriend and that while he was still welcome to have his weekends with our son, I didn't want to interact with him, I don't want him talking to my boyfriend like that and he could contact me by texting my phone but I'd be blocking him on social media. My ex replied that's fair, he understands and he'll respect my wishes."
Thinking the matter had been put to rest, she moved forward with life as usual. Including visiting her parents.
"Today I took my son to visit my parents (fiance is working)," she wrote. "My parents are aware of what happened with my ex. Haven't seen my parents since Christmas, and now we're safe to see them so we took the opportunity. Dad answered the door and whispered 'your mum invited [Ex]. She wants you to talk. I told her no but he's here.' My son and I got back into the car and left."
Upon returning home, she turned her phone back on and had no less than 30 missed calls from her mother.
"[All of the messages were] saying leaving was immature and escalating to her literally crying because she's not seen my son and I in about 6 months. I called her and said she had no right to do that and I had half a mind to cut contact with her because I don't need people I can't trust in my life," the mom wrote.
"This didn't exactly cheer her up and while my fiance agrees that that was a stupid thing for her to do and he no longer trusts her, my dad, who has been on my side up until now, has said that if I'm cutting contact with mum then he's cutting contact with me, and saying that she went too far but I'm going overboard," she continued.
Apparently this isn't the first time her mother tried to meddle in her relationship with her ex.
"Mum is a big believer in the regular family dynamic of 2 married parents, and no step parents/step siblings/half siblings (my fiance and I are planning on having 1 or 2 more after marriage) and therefore mum dislikes my fiance as she, like my ex, feels that my fiance is the only thing stopping me and my ex from getting back together (he's really not)," she explained "Mum has tried to get me to get back with my ex before now and I've told her to leave off every time."
So now she wants to know if she is wrong for considering cutting off her mom, despite the "consequences."
People were wholly empathetic to the mom's choices.
"You are dealing with a seriously manipulative woman, and an enabler," wrote one reader. "They're toxic. You need to cut them out."
Others cautioned her to stand firm in her threat, but perhaps give mom an opportunity to choose a side.
"I wouldn't cut them off either just yet," said one user. "I would sit down mom, dad and boyfriend, and let her know that what she did was absolutely unacceptable and out of line. I would also tell her you are willing to forgive her for it but if she ever put you in a situation like that again you will cut her off, and if that means cutting off dad in the process so be it. If she starts having a fit about it tell her you are done dealing with it, and she has a choice to make. Then leave."
Others also cautioned that the mom should make sure her mother knows that any more kids who come along need to be treated well and with respect "even though" they will be her first son's half-siblings. Here's hoping her mother chooses wisely.
