No parent is obligated to fund a wedding, but when they offer, it's beyond appreciated. The truth is, it also likely factors into budgeting plans. And when a bride depends on those funds, they become essential to her big day.
So imagine the disappointment when one bride learned her parents gave away her wedding day funds to another bride — her stepsister.
The bride-to-be began explaining that her stepsister's summer wedding was totally ruined by the global health crisis.
"Unfortunately, she ended up losing a lot of her deposits and now her budget is less than half of what it used to be," she explained. "She also has to buy a new dress/bridesmaids’ outfits because she’s now decided to have a winter wedding instead. I am also engaged but we’re still in the early stages of planning and recently decided to try to figure out what our potential budget would look like."
She went on to explain that her mom and stepdad saved $10k for each of their kids' wedding days -- an amount they knew of from the get-go.
Each of her siblings have already received theirs.
"I was Facetiming my mom and she asked me about the wedding planning, and I mentioned that my fiancé and I had opened a separate bank account for our wedding funds," she said.
"I asked her if she could directly transfer the wedding fund into it when she was free, and she started acting weird and avoided the question and changed the subject. I got upset and asked her again and she told me that they couldn't help with the wedding. I asked her what she meant, and she admitted my stepdad had given the money to my stepsister."
She learned that her stepsister begged them for the money because she lost so much on the deposits and she and her fiancé have a lower income.
Her stepdad agreed and gave her the money.
"My stepdad’s justification is that my fiancé comes from a 'filthy rich' (his words) family and that his family could make up the difference for what they would no longer be contributing," she wrote. "Apparently, he made a nasty joke about how fiancé’s dad was going to throw money at our wedding anyways and that maybe they should ask him to pay for stepsister’s too."
As it hurt and upset her, she decided to end the call.
"My mom has been calling me nonstop since and has even asked my other sister to call me and tell me to answer her calls. When I told my sister what happened she was angry but not surprised because my stepdad has done similar things in the past (e.g. given part of my college fund to this same step-sister because she wasted her monthly allowance partying)," she wrote.
"My mom and stepdad have also sent me texts telling I have no right to be upset over what they chose to do with their money. My stepdad even said that since I’m so petty he’s glad he never gave me a cent for my wedding."
As she is calming down, she is wondering if she is being "childish" for getting upset.
"It's not like I've booked anything yet and now will have to change plans," she admitted. "My dad also contributed to my sister's wedding and I'm sure he’ll offer to do the same for me. But then the other part of me wonders if had it been my step-brother’s wedding fund would my stepdad be so quick to give it to my step-sister."
People assured her that her reaction was totally valid.
"It sucks that your sister's wedding didn't work out as planned, but it's not fair to punish you to make it 'even,'" empathized one reader. "You were promised $10k towards your wedding and the gift is being stolen from you in the same way your college fund was stolen. She doesn't have to buy new dresses. She could wait until next summer or ask her wedding party to find a mutual color in their closets. She's wasting money that she shouldn't have in the first place."
Many told her that her stepdad was way out of line.
"Those ‘jokes' your stepdad was making are disgusting and you're absolutely right that he definitely wouldn't have given his son's fund to his daughter," confirmed another user. "Lets say your future in-laws decide not to contribute to your wedding, then what?"
A few even noted that she might want to consider cutting ties with them.
"It seems petty but this was a major breach of trust and they didn't even bother to talk to her about it or what happened," wrote one person. "Instead they shoved it off as a 'your fiancées family can handle it because he’s rich' which basically is code for 'we will be expecting him and you to give us and the rest of the family money whenever we ask from now on.' That’s a huge red flag."
All we hope is this bride feels loved and supported when her big day comes, and she's able to make her day the best one it can be.
