Many years ago, while sitting in a church service after a weeklong conference on sex and intimacy, the pastor and his wife spoke about oral sex, saying it was inappropriate for singles because, well … it was a church service. Where it got interesting is when the pastor said, “As for me and my house, even married, my wife and I don’t do it.”
Out of nowhere, his mother-in-law, who was easily in her 70s at the time, said, “Well, that’s you and your house.” Please pardon the pun but, “Let the church say … amen.” LOL.
The bottom line about oral sex is it really is up to you and your partner whether you partake in it or not. What I will say is if you’re a wife with a DJ Khaled kind of husband — he’s a husband that doesn’t give yet expects to receive, which might be slightly cultural for him yet is mad selfish nonetheless — you deserve more and better. What I will also say is if you are postmenopausal, that’s even more of a reason to engage in fellatio and cunnilingus as much as possible. It would seem from the church service that there is a healthy portion of the senior population who are doing just that.
Besides the benefits of oral sex itself, it's truly one of the best sex languages and can even spice up your relationship.
Receiving: It’s Easier To Orgasm & Climaxing Is Beneficial
I’ve actually read updated stats that say that women who have trouble climaxing from intercourse alone aren’t in the 75% range</a>; it’s more like the 81% range. A part of this has to do with how close to or far apart from a woman’s clitoris her vaginal opening is.
Cunnilingus or oral sex that a woman receives can help her to orgasm much easier because it consists of direct clitoral stimulation. And when a woman orgasms, it does all sorts of things — helps to reduce stress levels, makes her feel closer to her partner, boosts her immunity, decreases pain levels, improves her quality of sleep, causes her to feel more self-confident, makes her more productive throughout the day … and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
No person should assume that just putting their mouth on their partner’s private parts is going to automatically make an orgasm happen. So, make sure that you communicate with your partner about what your needs are in that department because it’s only fully beneficial if it “gets the job done.” #wink
Giving: Sperm Is Loaded With Nutrients
Now for fellatio, as in oral sex that a man receives. Yes, it goes without saying that your hubby is gonna be more than grateful to be on the receiving end of it (although 1 in 4 men fake orgasms, too, so what I said about communicating your needs? Allow him the platform to do the same. But it’s kind of unfortunate that a lot of people think that only men get something out of fellatio because that’s simply not true.
For starters, the protein levels in sperm/semen (the fluid that carries sperm) are high. It’s also basically like the ultimate multivitamin because sperm/semen also contains zinc, potassium, magnesium, calcium, fructose, and a variety of amino acids. All of these are nutrients your body needs — and although you can certainly get them elsewhere, doesn’t the thought of receiving them during oral sex sound a whole lot more fun?
Receiving: It Reduces Stress
Earlier this year, I read that 3 out of 4 Americans feel that just thinking about the future state of our country is causing them a significant amount of stress — and that’s before factoring in things like bills, hectic schedules, kids and their needs, relationships outside of the home — the list goes on and on.
Whenever you orgasm, your body releases the natural hormone oxytocin. That’s something that makes you want to bond more with your partner. It also helps to decrease your stress levels. And the less stressed that you are, the calmer you become and the easier it is to handle all of the potential stresses headed your way (which is why morning sex sessions can prove to be so beneficial to all parties involved!).
Giving: It Can Do Wonders for Your Moods
There’s an R&B artist by the name of Raheem DeVaughn. He has a song called “Breathe” that starts with him saying, “The ultimate pleasure is giving pleasure” — and I couldn’t agree more. Ask any couple that has a consistently fulfilling sex life and I’d be shocked if they didn’t say that a major key to it is that they “get off” on pleasing one another. In other words, it’s not about making sure they get what they want out of the experience but that their partner does.
Keeping this in mind, another natural hormone that’s released during sex and climaxing is dopamine. Dopamine is what helps your body to experience feelings of desire and pleasure. It also boosts motivation and satisfaction levels.
That said, as a marriage life coach, something I tell my clients often is orgasms should be a benefit of sex, not its ultimate purpose. Spending quality time with your partner, experiencing oneness with one another, being as physically close to another individual as you can possibly be — these are the purposes of sex (even before procreating).
So yes, when you’re giving oral pleasure to your partner and it’s coming from a pure place (and motive), he’s not the only one who can experience boosts of dopamine. In fact, it’s not uncommon for people who are on the giving side of pleasure to climax because of how much pleasing their partner turns them on.
Besides, who said that when you’re giving that you can’t be on the literal receiving end too? A certain number — cough, cough, 69 — immediately comes to mind.
Receiving: It’ll Improve Your Quality of Health Overall
OK, so I already touched on how sperm/semen has a ton of nutrients in them. Now let’s get into how those vitamins and minerals work together to take your health to the next level. Consuming both of these can help to:
- Boost cognitive function
- Reduce hair loss
- Whiten your teeth
- Keep your skin looking younger
- Decrease anxiety and lower depression-related symptoms
- Improve your mood
- Increase longevity
- Sleep easier and for a longer period of time
(You can read more about all of this here and here.)
All of this from sperm/semen. Yep. You’d betta believe it.
Giving: It’s Great for Your Tongue, Jaw, & Neck (No Joke)
Did you know that a lazy tongue and/or throat can lead to snoring? Not only that but a weak tongue can also affect your swallowing, which can impact digestion. Pretty wild, right? Adding to that, when you don’t exercise your jaw, not only does that increase your chances for experiencing jaw, neck, and even head pain, but it also can cause you to appear older than you actually look.
Yes, there are tongue exercises and jaw exercises you can do to keep both parts of your body in shape. But if you’re down for being a giver (wink), you won’t need to do them nearly as much because fellatio definitely requires that your tongue and jaws get in on the action.
Receiving for Him: A Woman’s Fluids Are an Ultimate Probiotic
Back to DJ Khaled and the selfish men who are a lot like him (SMDH). Aside from the fact that, again, enjoying being a giver as much as a receiver is one of the key points to being a great lover, what a lot of men don’t know is that the female ejaculate that comes out of a woman after she orgasms is the ultimate probiotic for men, too.
In fact, according to many health experts, there is as much as “100,000 to 100 million Lactobacillus cells per gram of vaginal fluid." And because probiotics do everything from protect gut health and boost immunity to improve one’s mood, strengthen one’s heart, and even fight against skin conditions like eczema and psoriasis — it can only do your husband’s body good to, well, do your body good.
Let him know that as soon as he gets home tonight, OK? #wink
Shellie R. Warren is a marriage life coach, doula, and the author of Inside of Me: Lessons of Lust, Love and Redemption.
