There is almost nothing worse than having to suffer because someone else is selfish, immature, or a just plain hot mess express. And when that someone else is a sibling and weddings and family drama are involved? Yikes! The emotional and financial stakes get real high, real fast.
For one letter writer to the Dear Prudence column, the whole mess started when the woman and her sister both got engaged around the same time but then her sister basically turned her own personal and professional life into a dumpster fire.
According to the writer, she and her sister "got engaged the same year, only her wedding didn’t happen since she was caught cheating. She also lost her job and got blacklisted from her field since her boss was her fiancé’s mother."
See, this is already messy and we are only in at the start of this years-long saga.
The letter writer's wedding went ahead as planned, but her sister continued to show that making good choices isn't exactly her jam.
In fact she "threw a fit when I didn’t ask her to be my maid of honor," the letter writer noted. "She threw another fit when I did because 'it was too much' for her to deal with."
Then, during the wedding, "She got drunk and made a huge scene where she insinuated my husband and his best female friend were secretly screwing around. She had to be escorted out."
If the bride was expecting a sincere apology from her train wreck sister, she was about to be disappointed.
After the wedding, the sister didn't exactly own up to her behavior. As the letter writer explained, "Her apology to me was that she was sorry she had too much to drink. I told her I didn’t want her in my life until she got professional help. She called me a smug b—-."
See, this is where boundaries are a good idea! Nobody should we to ruin a wedding and then have the nerve to call the bride a b—-, even if they are sisters. Especially if they are sisters.
Since the wedding, the sister's life has continued on a downward spiral.
According to the letter writer, "It has been three years and we haven’t spoken since. She isn’t getting help, and she is getting worse — she has gotten fired twice, been sued by her roommate for missing rent, and gotten caught shoplifting. Our parents keep bailing her out, but they are retired and on a fixed income. She moved in with them but under strict rules: She had to get a part-time job and go to therapy."
OK, so we agree therapy is a good call! But, oh no, there was another plot twist according to the writer: "My parents want me to pay for it!"
And, now, cue the family guilt trip!
While we have some sympathy for the parents who've already spent thousands of dollars dealing with their adult daughter's drama, it's hard not side with the letter writer who explained, "While my husband and I both work, we have college loans and a mortgage to think of. We aren’t exactly looking through the couch for loose change, but our savings are slim. My parents are guilting me — my sister is finally doing what I have always wanted and I can’t support her? She is sick and hurting, why can’t I support her?"
Um, how about because she's a grown up and never actually apologized and isn't letter writer's financial responsibility?
Deciding what we owe to family can be a complicated question. Or not.
The letter writer's husband suggests that they could pay for a session or two of therapy as a "peace offering" but Dear Prudie columnist R. Eric Thomas sees that for what it is: a slippery slope.
As he explained to the letter writer, "If there’s progress after two sessions, who’s to say you won’t be asked to keep paying for more therapy? Also, the framing of this request from your parents is wrongheaded. Your sister isn’t doing what you always wanted; she’s doing what she needs to do to get better."
In this case, we totally agree, both with Prudie and with the comments section, which pointed out that "She obviously has enough problems that may require months if not years of therapy. One or two sessions are not going to resolve anything. They will only make things worse."
Hard agree! Here's hoping the messy sister does get therapy eventually, but not on her sister's dime.
