Hi, I'm Dana! You might know me from my Truth Bomb Mom videos that cover everything from relationships to self-care. I'm the founder of Booty Parlor and the author of The Mommy Mojo Makeover, and I'm here to answer all your burning questions about keeping your relationships sizzling. Let's get started!
Q: I've been spending a lot of time with my spouse during the past lockdown year, and things are getting a little too familiar and boring. How can we spice things up and feel less like roommates?
Dear "More Like Roommates than Lovers,"
You know that saying “Distance makes the heart grow fonder?” Well, I think we ALL realize just how true it is right about now!
This prolonged lockdown has had couples living and working and homeschooling kids and exercising and “everything else’ing” together for months and months and months.
Add in a heaping dose of extra stress, the fear of the unknown, the loss of social interaction with friends and family — and the utter absence of alone time? It doesn’t exactly add up to be the sexiest moment in your relationship history.
But I want you to know there’s some good news.
First, you’re NOT alone in feeling like things have become a bit stale and boring in the bedroom. And second, it’s not that hard to bring back some of the sexy “new relationship energy” you both need and deserve.
Here are a few suggestions on how to bring that lovin’ (and sexy) feeling back to your relationship:
1. Get flirty.
If your daily chitchat sounds more like “Can you get the kids on their Zoom?” “We need more sanitizer!” and “What’s for dinner?” then it’s time for you both to add flirtation back into the conversation.
Now, I don’t expect you to start throwing down cheesy pickup lines for your partner of 10 years. (Although “What’s your sign?” would probably get you a good smile.) Instead, make a pact to serve up a flirty-but-genuine compliment to one another every single day. Or commit to asking each other a sexy question like, “Where was your favorite place we’ve ever made love?” or “What’s one thing I do that really turns you on?”
The act of adding some intentional flirting into your daily conversations is a gesture that says, “Hey, I love you. I’m interested in you, in us. And I want to continue building our sexy love story!”
The act of adding some intentional flirting into your daily conversations is a gesture that says, “Hey, I love you. I’m interested in you, in us.”
2. Kiss more.
Have you noticed that the more time you’ve spent with your partner, the less you’ve been kissing? I know. It’s another annoying side effect of the lockdown. But the more you kiss each other, the more connected your relationship will be. And the more you’ll remember that you’re actually still attracted to each other.
Why? Because kissing requires you to get into each other’s personal space. It’s a tool to drop petty annoyances, communicate that you love each other, and “practice” your sexual connection without speaking a single word.
Simply put, a kiss is a romantic connection. So try all kinds of kisses throughout the day: quick little pecks, 10-second kisses to make up after you bicker about the trash, and even deep French kisses where you fully surrender to the moment.
3. Inspire desire with a weekly "sex date."
I know that right now you might not be filled with a wanton desire for wild, spontaneous sex. (Who is these days?) But you can still HAVE wildly satisfying sex if you put a little planning behind it.
Each week, sit with your partner and pick a night for a weekly at-home “Sex Date.” Mark it on the calendar. Dress to impress — to show each other you still care. Talk about what new “erotic energies” you’d like to explore, what new positions or locations you might try, or research some erotica you could read to one another.
Plan this sex date as if you were planning an event! The enthusiastic effort you both put into it will create a sense of anticipation and excitement far beyond your standard invitation of, “So, do you wanna do it tonight?" Try this for four weeks in a row, and I promise it’ll make you feel more like a romantic couple than lockdown buddies.
There’s no doubt, this last year has been a challenge to couples everywhere.
But with some intentional flirting, conscious kissing, and weekly “sex planning,” I know you’ll soon start to feel more romance than routine, and more flirtation over the familiar.
Good luck!
Dana B. Myers is the founder of Booty Parlor and author of The Mommy Mojo Makeover. Ask Dana your burning relationship questions at [email protected].
