A lot of stress comes with planning a wedding. There’s a lot that has to be done, and when we’re making plans based on dreams we’ve had for a long time, those details, no matter how small, become big in our world. Some brides are more dead set on having the childhood wedding of their dreams than others.
And the brides that are more hooked to the idea of their dream wedding are notoriously challenging to deal with. They’ve been coined as “bridezillas,” and one bridesmaid (OP) has personal experience with a bride on a rampage – and things ended in a lawsuit.
OP needed advice on how to move forward with the bride, so she took to Reddit.
Posting to Reddit’s AITA community, OP had a doozy of a story to share before asking for advice. “For my friend’s 3-day wedding, I had to buy three different dresses (including alterations, and specific shoes which totalled over $700,” she began. “She also wanted specific hair styles for each day.”
OP was a bridesmaid, and she had done a lot to help her friend, the bride, get everything ready. Unfortunately, her own health started to decline. “Due to health reasons my hair was falling out in chunks and in May I made the difficult decision to cut my hair,” she shared.
That didn’t go over well with the bride. “I told the bride about my decision two weeks before the wedding and she didn’t say anything bad,” she continued.
But drama was coming. “The following week, she came over to my house and when she was about to leave, she brought up that she was concerned about my haircut and I told her it would look good even though I wouldn’t be uniform with the other bridesmaids,” OP explained.
OP shared that the next day she received a message from the bride.
The note read, “After our recent conversations, I’d like to remind you of my boundaries: I’ve been very accommodating and graceful, but I can’t allow you to disrespect me.”
In continued, “As you know, my wedding has been something I’ve dreamt of for many years. (Husband) and I have invested a lot of money into the video and photos of this day and as we reflect on this day in the [future] we want to see our vision reflected in the memories. Since I asked each of you to be bridesmaid in 2019, I’ve been very clearly and very communicative in my request. The timing of your decision to cut your hair and not [let me know] in advance is very upsetting to me.”
The note continued.
“I would have felt respected if you had communicated with me more than a week prior to the wedding, so we could have worked together to find a collaborative solution,” the note read. “Your inconsistencies have concerned me and while I sympathise with your health concerns, I’m not willing to compromise my vision to accommodate you (or anyone else) when you have informed me in advance and we could have found a better solution.”
Then the bride fired her, essentially. “Since this [is] something you can no longer fully commit to, I need you to please step down from participating in my wedding,” the note continued.
That note was sent three days before the wedding. “I immediately sent her and her husband an invoice asking them to reimburse for the dresses and shoes,” OP explained. “Keeping in mind that one of the dresses is still in her possession even though I paid for it.”
“Neither of them replied and so I decided to take it to court,” OP admitted.
The bride wasn’t happy, to say it lightly.
“I was told I was inconsistent and selfish after I spent the past two weeks helping her plan the wedding shower, I worked with another bridesmaid to surprise her with a bridal shower after our bachelorette trip had to be cancelled,” she explained. “I spent HOURS helping her out with wedding details.”
OP believes she has gone above and beyond for her friend. “When she asked me to help her tone up before the wedding I sent her a personalised work out program and even went with her to the gym to show her the ropes.”
She also shared that when she agreed to be in the wedding party, she was more than willing to do what the bride asked, “even if at times it was a lot of time and money.”
She’s now wondering if she’s in the wrong for taking her to court, so she turned it over to Reddit for perspective.
“Should have had the lawsuit served to her at the altar,” one person suggested.
“What a horrible, heartless friend she is,” someone wrote. “You've done your absolute best to be involved with her wedding/bridal shower, and helping her so much in addition to paying hundreds for your dresses etc. and she kicks you out because of your hair? For which you have an extremely valid reason for cutting! And even if you didn't, it'd still be absolutely ridiculous for her to do and say all this.”
“I refuse to believe that dictating the hair style/color/etc. — not just asking, but literally getting angry when the request isn't met — is about anything BUT the need to control others,” shared another commenter. “I also love how she thinks her ‘vision’ is more important than your health issues.”
“Since when is cutting your own hair crossing someone's boundaries?” questioned someone else. “Feels like she wants her bridesmaids to be carbon copies of each other. This girl is going to be a real pickle for her husband.”
OP shared in the comments that she’s filed in small claims court and anticipates the process to take a while. Regardless of what happens in court, their friendship is definitely over.
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