Being a teenager is tough sometimes. Bodies are changing, emotions are unpredictable, and you may begin wondering who you are or where your life is headed. It can be a lot to take just living in your own body. Added pressure from adults in your life can be enough to make a person break. This can be particularly tough if the pressure comes from a relatively new stepparent in your life, and their way of doing things is the complete opposite of what you are used to.
One teen girl is really struggling with her stepdad and his rigorous routines. His unrealistic expectations of her are making life hell. He has stepped in and changed things like her wardrobe, and is enforcing bootcamp-style workouts on her because he thinks she is getting too "chubby." She has had enough and recently defied one of his rules and posted in Reddit's AITA forum, wondering if it's her or him that is the problem.
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The stepfather has some kind of hold on his wife.
The original poster is 15 and lived most of her life with her 36-year-old mom. A couple of years ago, her stepfather, 48, came into the picture, and she says he's not a nice guy. OP explained that he is a former military officer and wants to run their household that way. He somehow convinced her mother that the teen is "spoiled, entitled and needs his harsher discipline." She claims to be a good student who does her chores, but he thinks otherwise. The warm and loving home she grew up in has fallen apart.
"He demands perfection at school, like 100% on everything or else I get grilled over why I made a mistake," she wrote. "He decided I was a bit chubby so now I have to get up for 5 am runs/boot camp workouts and have to have weekly weight checks (my mom participates in this too because she wanted to lose weight)."
In addition to changing her appearance physically, he's changed how she dresses.
Her stepfather has strong opinions about the way OP dresses as well. He thinks that bright clothes are "attention seeking" and took all of hers away and replaced them with drab neutrals.
Her school has a St. Patrick's Day tradition that everyone must wear green or get pinched. He got rid of all her green things, but a friend convinced her to wear a shirt and hide it in her backpack to put on at school. She could wear it under her black sweater and just let a bit peek out. He did a random shirt check, found it, and flipped out.
"I tried to explain that I just wanted to participate in the tradition and that I was going to be wearing it under other clothes, so at most a small sliver of green would show, but this didn't fly. My mom agreed with the grounding and furthermore said she was incredibly disappointed in me because I have never broken rules and acted out before. I feel awful for disappointing her but also really do feel like the rule is stupid and pointless," she explained.
Is she a defiant brat or just a normal kid?
The bootcamp workouts are a big red flag.
Redditors were incredibly concerned that OP's stepfather is requiring her to work out and that he weighs her. That didn't fly.
"The workouts are physical abuse," someone wrote.
"I don't know your medical history but it's not unusual for girls to be 'chubby' when going through puberty," one person commented. "Your body stores weight before redistributing it."
OP responded, "I wasn't even overweight according to my doctor. I had reached what is probably my adult height (about 5'7") and weighed about 140. I did have a bit of a chubby face and extra around my hips (I know that is normal for puberty and I was fine with it). SF wants me to stay under 125 (right now I am about 122, I fluctuate from about 120-125 depending on 'time of month' stuff)."
"125 is a healthy weight for me at 5'3"! This is so concerning," one Redditor replied.
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This isn't about a shirt.
There were strong opinions about what's happening in OP's house, with many saying it's just not normal.
"NTA for planning to wear green, but there is so much else wrong here, I don't even know where to start…," a concerned Redditor wrote. "Not with you; you're doing fine. But that controlling behavior from your stepfather is not normal, by any stretch of the imagination."
"You're not allowed to wear green?!" one commenter questioned. "This is abuse. Some bizarre kind of abuse to he sure, but abuse all the same. NTA."
"Talk to a teacher or counselor and also a family member explaining that you're being abused," one person who said they are a teacher advised. "You can show them this post or talk it out. I know you said family isn't close, but if there's anyone on either side that has shown you kindness, talk to them. Also, explain to them that you are going to write your mom a letter and you want to be able to contact them if that goes south."
OP, this situation is heartbreaking.
According to Redditors, OP, you are living in an abusive environment and you need to get help. Some people feel like your mom is also being emotionally and mentally controlled, which isn't helping the situation. They want you to talk to someone about what is happening at home.
Hopefully, things will get better, but it is important to remember that you are good enough and not to let anyone tell you otherwise.
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