I Won’t Help With My Twins Because I Told My Wife I Wanted a Vasectomy, Not More Kids

The decision to have children is not something that should be entered into lightly. Being responsible and then invested in the health and well-being of another person is rewarding but heavy work. It’s forever. So it’s best that both of the people creating that life be on the same page. Sadly, that was not the case for one married couple. The wife wanted more children and her husband did not. Before they could come to an agreement, the wife got pregnant. Now, this husband is withholding his support.

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The husband only wanted two children. His wife had other plans.

A husband wrote in to Reddit to ask if he was being an a–hole for refusing to help his wife with their 1-year-old twins. He explained that although he and his wife now have four children, he was always adamant about just having two. His 6- and 4-year-old are a boy and a girl. The OP explained that he’s the sole provider in the home and his wife stays home with their children, including their twins. You may be wondering how they came about. He shared that too.

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After our second child I told her I was done and wanted to have a vasectomy, she was against that and wanted to have a third,” he wrote. The OP shared that he and his wife fought about the decision for months. His wife said she always wanted a big family. He said she was already struggling with the two children they already had.

Not to mention with him as the only earner, it was financially unsustainable. He didn’t want to get the vasectomy against her will, but it didn’t matter because months later she was pregnant. “She was on the pill and according to her, barely ever missed a day,” the OP explained. 

‘…it gets me so discouraged to see everything I warned her against come to pass,’ he wrote.

The problem is that the OP is still holding on to some resentment. “We now have a total of four beautiful children that I love, but I can not bring myself to giving her the extra help for the twins,” he wrote.

“We now are stressed and fight all the time. I sometimes want to help her with the twins but it gets me so discouraged to see everything I warned her against come to pass. I know they are my children too, but it is not fair to get yourself in a situation when everyone is advising you against it.. then ask for help when the s— hits the fan.”

The OP shares that he does what he did with their first to children, but nothing more and nothing less. He wanted to ask the Reddit community if he was an a–hole for refusing to help as much as he could. 

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The community let him have it.

As you might imagine, the community read him for filth, outlining the reasons why quite simply. “These children are yours and your responsibility now,” one person wrote.

Even though some commenters acknowledged that his wife likely got pregnant on purpose after expressing her desires and conveniently missing a few days of birth control, everyone agreed that didn’t give him license to fall back on the responsibility of raising his own kids.

“Is this a joke?” one person asked. “You contributed to the creation of those twins. Get on board, get therapy or pay child support when she dumps you.”

Another summed up the OP’s actions more clearly. “So you’re neglecting your children just to punish your wife and make your point. Got it, YTA.”

Reddit said the OP and his wife were wrong.

Other people offered retroactive solutions to he and his wife’s disagreement about more children. “YTA. They are your kids too and condoms and non-penetrative sex are also a thing.”

One person wrote that both he and his wife are jerks, calling his wife manipulative but reminding him of the obvious: He needs to take care of his kids.

Commenters also spoke to ways he could have taken more initiative in the situation. “It’s your body. You don’t need her permission to get a vasectomy.”

We agree. Although he shouldn’t keep his decision from her, he was well within his rights to makes this choice for himself. Vasectomies can be reversed, but children cannot.

These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.