How My Relationship With Exercise & the Gym Has Changed in Motherhood

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The gym used to feel like an obligation. In motherhood, it’s become a choice. Before kids, I went to the gym for hours. Usually late at night. But I could go to the gym whenever I wanted. Working out was synonymous with physical appearance. I exercised to be skinny or look good. I had rigid goals in mind. And when I didn’t or couldn’t achieve a workout or my goals, I let the guilt eat away at me.

I knew exercise was beneficial for my mental health. But I focused those hours of sweating on calories and pounds instead. I wanted to shed the weight I gained during the first few semesters of college. Or to fit into my wedding dress. Then, I wanted to melt away the newlywed weight or stress pounds from work.

As with everything, my relationship with the gym and exercise changed once I had kids.

The time I have to spend on things other than caring for my family or myself is valuable. These days, my energy is almost nonexistent. But my priorities have changed, too.

Before kids, I could spend hours at the gym. And I had focused and dedicated time to do so. Now … not so much.

Exercising used to be about the future. It was about how I would look, eventually. Sometimes at the cost of not feeling like I was good enough already.

Now, exercise is less about how I look and more about how I feel.

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I went from, “How many pounds can I lose in a month?” to “How does this workout make me feel the rest of my day?” A change in physical appearance is a bonus, sure. But it’s no longer my sole motivation.

Spending time at the gym stopped being a punishment. Instead, it’s turned into a celebration. It’s a new appreciation of what my body can do. And focuses on how I’m feeling right now. It forces me to be present in a hectic daily life. When I move my body, I’m a better wife, mom, and frankly, a nicer human. I’m happier. I can see those results firsthand (and so can my family).

Before kids, I chased the high of the time I spent in the gym. I wanted to sweat as much as I could. I wanted to look a certain way. Now, I’m motivated and appreciative of a half-hour workout squeezed in somewhere between school drop-off and bedtime because I know it makes me feel better.

Now, exercise means taking time for myself.

When I’m not wiping butts or taking care of my basic needs, there are only so many things I can fit into my day. Now, my workouts get fit into the margins of my day. And only if I make them.

Making time for exercise means taking time for myself. Not just to check off a box. Or lower the number on the scale. Now I exercise to gain something from it. Something that fills me up. That doesn’t mean workouts are always easy to get done. But it means I fought to make time for them and for myself.

Now, exercise feels selfish.

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In a good way. Working out is a deliberate choice. How can it not be? Carving out time to exercise is my time. And let’s be real, sometimes there’s a kid floating around somewhere too. As a mom, I don’t have the time, energy, or focus to have a hundred hobbies.

In motherhood, I’ve learned how precious time is. No matter how or when I fit it in, it’s for me, not against me.

Now, exercise is an example.

Exercise used to only be about me. For the feeling I got when someone noticed or cared. For how my brain celebrated the number on the scale. I still work out for myself.

But in motherhood, I exercise for them, too.

I want my daughter to see I’m strong and dedicated. I want her to see the determination it takes to work hard. Not just in conventional ways like school or at home. I want her to see the value in prioritizing her health in this way. I tell her how moving my body doesn’t just make me strong physically, but it also strengthens my mind.

I want her to see me celebrating my body. Not forcing it to become smaller or sweating just to change it. I want her to see me taking care of my body with movement.

Now, my mindset isn’t 'I have to,' it’s 'I get to.'

I am grateful for the mindset change toward exercise. I’m grateful it took seeing what else my body could physically do to get there.

Because the change in my relationship toward exercise and the gym came with growing and having babies. The ability to move my body is not something I take lightly. Especially after seeing it stretched and torn and changed.

I wish I could say I don’t miss the physical body I had in my 20s. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t … at least a little. I wish I could go back and tell myself that body was good, too.

But I’m glad my relationship with exercise and the gym has changed over the years. And I’m glad it took motherhood to change it.