We have all met a person we consider "old-fashioned." Their ideas about how things were "back in their day" don't always mesh with our current society. Some of the things we just roll our eyes at and move on, but others can be tough to deal with. Like, are we really living in a world where women's bodies need to be covered up and in a dress? Yes, some people still think that way, and for one family, it is causing some issues.
A woman posted in Reddit's AITA forum to air some of her family's dirty laundry. Her in-laws are narrow-minded in some of their thinking. The grandparents' clothing expectations for their granddaughters have made them so uncomfortable that the girls no longer want to visit them. The original poster wants some help deciding whether she should make her daughters conform to their grandparents' way of thinking or just let them be themselves.
Granny and gramps are stuck in time.
OP explained that she and her husband have a 16-year-old daughter, a 14-year-old daughter, and a 10-year-old son. The couple lives close to both sets of grandparents, so they visit them often. The problem is her husband's parents. They are totally out of touch and feel like the "world should have stopped 50 years ago, and think everything since then is evil." OP's in-laws are so over the top they cannot deal with women wearing pants.
"My MIL says it's 'showing off,' and my FIL always says it isn't Christian," OP explained. "Now I'm pretty feminine, so I don't mind throwing on a dress when we stop by, but our daughters are not."
The whole pants thing is causing big issues.
OP's daughters are done wearing dresses to their grandparents' house just to please them. They want to be able to be themselves, and right now, they don't even want to go to their house. This breaks their dad's heart, and OP doesn't know what to do. The girls can wear pants to their grandparents' house but don't because all they do is talk about how horrible pants are, so OP has kind of forced the dress thing on them.
"Our daughters hate this, and think it's unfair. I guess it is, but in a lot of cultures women only wear skirts and dresses so I don't think it's a big deal. Plus it isn't like it hurts them to wear a dress a few times a week for a few hours. The issue is our oldest is planning to never speak to her grandparents again after she's 18, and I'm worried it's affecting them," she wrote.
Why isn't OP standing up to these people?
First and foremost, Redditors feel like OP is being utterly unfair to her daughters, forcing them to do something they don't want to do, unnecessarily. And she is letting herself get walked all over, which isn't OK either.
"Leave your daughters at home instead," one Redditor wrote. "They shouldn't have to spend their time with judgemental bigots. YTA big time. Stand up for your daughters. I certainly hope your own home isn't run on these principles."
One woman had a similar experience and shared her warning,
"My grandmother used to fight with my dad about me not wearing dresses to church," she wrote. "God I hated dresses. My grandmother was born before 1900, she had some very outdated ideas. And my dad was not exactly a hero dad in many ways, but in this aspect he stood up for me, hard. Against his own mother who he loved and admired very much. But on this he would not allow her to try to teach me that I had to follow these ridiculous expectations. I overheard it once, and it stayed with me for life. It mattered in many ways. It is really important to stand up for your girls on this. I don't think you understand how significant it is that you're failing to do it."
The teens need to have autonomy.
Redditors also feel like OP is teaching her daughters that other people can control what you put on your body, which is a hard no for many.
"Other women around the world don't have the right to wear pants, so why should my daughters have that right?" is a s—-y argument," someone wrote.
"And I'm not surprised they don't want to visit anymore," another person commented. "They've now come to associate visiting those grandparents with being forced to be uncomfortable. They're old enough now to start making their own decisions about this."
"YTA but so is everyone else (except your daughters.)," one commenter added. "You shouldn't force your kids to be exposed to standards that dictate what they are allowed to present as because of their gender. They are both old enough to make the decision not to go and just stay home."
What the girls wear is their choice.
Redditors were pretty unanimous that OP, YTA. They feel like you are setting a terrible precedent for your daughters by kowtowing to your in-law's thinking and wanting your girls to play along. They are old enough to make their own decisions. If the grandparents don't like it, then that's too bad. Either the grandparents deal with the pants, or they don't see them. Pretty simple.
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